Back in Inuvik


So we arrived back in inuvik in time to see the ice flow. Here are some pics,

1) This is the Dempster Hwy (the way South).. looks like we're not going anywhere just yet.
2) Local pulls his boat to safety.
3) It's not just the boats people have to worry about. Looks like Aklavik, down river, just got themselves a new tank ;-)
4) A pic of Nita, Trevor & I flexing at our riverside bbq. Forbes & my way of saying thank you to everyone who has put us up while in Inuvik.
5) Some of the Gang after the bbq. Some VIP's had already left, while the rest of us played some tag. "Ajax for Life" hand to chin protects you from being IT.





Ulukhaktok - continued


Location: Ulukhaktok, NWT
N70° 40.259’ W117°46.208’

Date: May 19, 2006

Time: 9am
Temp: 2°C
State: Sad to get back on the plane to Inuvik. Hope to return to Ulukhaktok sometime in the future.

Tuesday morning Joanne came to pick us up out in Mashuyak by snow machine. Joanne is the daughter of Pat and Gene Ekpakohak who let us use their cabin. The entire ride back to town we dodged puddles as the ice had melted significantly in three days out on the land.

Back in Ulukhaktok we found accommodation with one of the local Royal Canadian Mounted Police. Sean Gordon and his wife Vanessa took us in, giving us floor space to lay our heads and heavy gear. I’m grateful as we’re traveling on a pretty tight budget and the local hotel, although great, is a little out of my price range at $180 per person, per night. BUT, this is cheap considering it costs a tremendous amount of money to ship the supplies needed to keep the place warm running smoothly. Heating alone, I’m told by the coop manager, costs $8000 a month.

Back in town we pulled out the digital video cameras. We shot some interviews with local Holman/Ulukhaktok print artists, sat in on an intimate family drum dance, and interviewed Pat Ekpakohak, who not only let us use his cabin, but is also regarded as one of the town’s great polar bear hunters. People are amazing!

Ulukhaktok Printmaking
Holman artists are known around the world for their printmaking. We spent some time talking with Margaret the woman running the local Holman Artists Co-operative. We learned Holman prints were originally made using seal skins or large pieces of stone, now, as times have changed, they tend to use mylar (the best choice) or clear plastic acetate (not as good). We also interviewed print artist Roberta Memogana. Roberta invited to her home where she showed us her prints while explaining the entire printmaking process and sharing stories of her inspiration. I would have really liked to buy more artwork supporting the local artists. -- The prints are breathtaking.

You can read more about Holman artists and see their work by clicking HERE

Drum Dance
As Forbes and I only arrived in town on Tuesday, we were unfortunate to have missed Jimmy and Lorna Memogana’s 60th anniversary and Jimmy’s birthday, which occurred Monday evening. There was a large feast and everyone was out for a drum dance. Sad to have missed it L But what’s this? While hanging out at the Arctic Char Inn we are told they would like to have another drum dance just for us. I’m sure they also really just enjoy the community get together.

Forbes and I head over at 7pm on Wednesday evening and are welcomed into a room full of elders, parents and youth, everyone talking and spending time together. We need more multigenerational gatherings like this in the world. Spaces for elders to pass on knowledge and wisdom, and places for children to grow within a secure family/community environment.

As I take out the cameras, the kids are after me like crazy, “Can I try?” “What’s that?” “Can I try?” they seem to have forgotten about the drum dancing. I decide, since I am a proponent of trusting the process, why not? I give them all my cameras, and with some mild guidance, let them go wild! Instantly the room is filled with miniature munchkin-sized videographers and filmmakers. I love it and am surprised by how steady they shoot and how keen they are on filmmaking. Who knows, maybe the future of Canadian cinema is right here? Maybe a future film workshop in Ulukhaktok? After all, it’s always best for people to tell their own stories in their own voice, and the people up here have lots to share!

Polar Bear Hunter
Before we head out of Ulukhaktok we stop in for a quick interview with polar bear hunter Pat Ekpakohak. Pat tells us he has killed around 70 polar bears in his life, he lost track of the actual number. His wife has killed 9 and his daughter has killed 1. Pat holds up some bear skulls for us and our cameras, “This one was nine feet tall, this one a bit bigger.” Many people in Ulukhaktok make good money off polar bear hunting since the people who come up to hunt need big money (a polar bear tag costs about $27,000 I’m told). David, a local guide and polar bear hunter, told us he recently received a $2500 tip from an American hunter. This was just the tip! Pat tells us of the few times he’s almost died out hunting, how he’s fallen through the ice twice and how he once ran himself over with a sled. The sled smashed him up badly and he had to be medivac’d out to Edmonton for surgery. “Once I got there, I had to wait for the new parts for my face. This cheekbone is all parts. I don’t know what they used, haha.” Pat is a warm and friendly individual and it would have been nice to spend more time with him, listening to stories or even out on the land.

Here are some pictures from the drum dance at Jimmy Memogana’s home. Mostly pics of the kids with cameras, check out Forbes' blog for pics of drummers and dancers!

(All pics taken with Forbes' digital point and shoot)


Forging the Spirit


Location: Mashuyak - 25min outside - Ulukhaktok, NWT
N70° 39.255’ W117°42.583’

Date: May 16, 2006

Time: 11:15am
Temp: 3°C
State: rejuvenated from the solitude of Mashuyak. Sad to leave the land, but excited to head back to Ulukhaktok and spend some time in town.

Mashuyak - continued
Here, at the northernmost point of my journey and the true beginning of the SFD film project, the solitude of Mashuyak is providing time and space to reflect. Having just captured what I believe to be the opening sequence of my film, the workaholic/builder in me is finally at ease, my thoughts focused less on the film and more on my physical, mental and spiritual state.

Here out on the land, only two things remain: the landscape and the passage of time. Time is passing, shaping the hard stone and carving the world into being. The image the keeps running through my head is that of a blacksmith forging steel... This image has less to do with the frozen landscape and more to do with my past, why I'm here and how I hope to grow, as a person, as I head South.

Forging
Although I have the benefit of an unbelievably loving and supportive family, I've still managed to experience a fair share of life's fire. Although the flames come in different forms, I think every one of us has experienced some degree of this shaping fire. In life, things don't always go 'according to plan' with hardships often catching us off guard. One minute we're at the top of our game, then in the blink of an eye, face down in the dirt. Although these personal detours are often filled with pain and suffering, time pushes us forward, reshaping suffering into knowledge, understanding and hopefully, in time, wisdom.

For me, as an adult, I am now interested in being my own blacksmith. I am interested in creating my own fires and forging the self. I feel it's now time to crank up the heat and begin hammering away at my body, mind, and spirit. To hammer may seem violent, but for me it simply represents discipline. I wish to hammer away all the gunk or impurities that have gathered over the years in order to arrive at a shaper sense of the self. In trying to explain my thoughts to Forbes the other night I had the following,

In my life I've experienced pain and suffering, but I've always worked hard to use that pain and suffering for growth. I have also at the same time been given a tremendous amount of gifts. I believe it is important to recognize that everything in my life, pleasure and pain, has occurred with purpose. Faith. And, although in the end, the universe may be indifferent, I owe it to myself to stand up and use what I've been given. I also believe the first step on the road to using these gifts, is to forge my mind, body & spirit. I feel anything less, would disrespect the past, myself, and everyone or everything that has brought me to where I am. Anything less, would work against my human nature.

In martial arts (Aikido) we talk about polishing the mirror and sharpening the sword. The mirror represents a time of spiritual reflection, whereas the sword a time of intense physical training. As I begin the road South, I will work to balance both.
___________

“In the attitude of silence the soul finds the path in an clearer light, and what is elusive and deceptive resolves itself into crystal clearness. Our life is a long and arduous quest after Truth.” - Mahatma Gandhi


Mashuyak - Pics continued


1) Reading depth of field charts in Mashuyak
2) Warming hands while shooting
3) Ice & snow on the arctic ocean
4) Dinner after long hike



Ulukhaktok - Solitude in Mashuyak


Location: Ulukhaktok – Northwest Territories
N70° 44.259’ W117°46.208’

Date: May 15, 2006

Time: 6:36am
Temp: 1°C
State: Tired from hiking/filming all night.

SEARCHING FOR DRAGONS - OFFICIAL COMMENCEMENT OF PRINCIPLE PHOTOGRAPHY!

Arrival in Ulukhaktok
Getting off the plane in Ulukhaktok (known as Holman until Apr 1, 2006), we had no idea regarding our road ahead. No place to stay, no contact to touch base with, nor any idea of how to proceed or where we actually were.

All this quickly changed.

The residents of Ulukhaktok are among the warmest people I have ever met. Within a few hours of our arrival, Joe Perry the local coop manager, had introduced us to Jene and Pat Ekpakohak who set us up with an amazing cabin, 25minutes outside Ulukhaktok by snow machine, in the hunting and fishing area known as Mashuyak.
_______________

Mashuyak
After being in Mashuyak for two days, all I can say is, I truly hope the 8mm, 16mm and medium format film I’m shooting will capture the overall impact of this incredible landscape.
_______________

Solitude
I’ve mentioned before that my original intention was to do this entire journey solo. The original project concept had much to do with solitude and the filmmaker as a lonely pilgrim looking at the world from the outside. The decision, in early March, to invite Forbes Campbell into the SFD film process was followed by an extreme amount of doubt. Accustomed to spending large amounts of time alone, I wondered if I had made the right decision. My thoughts were: I have been with this project for five years, making it my life and personal process - No one can fully understand where this project comes from or what I am really looking for. An assistant will only cramp my style, break my focus and negatively affect the film process while infringing on my personal comfort zone.

Now, after being out on the road for two months, I have a different perspective.

I am thankful I am not alone.

Out all night hiking and filming up in the hills of Mashuyak, I have finally let go of all doubt concerning Forbes and his role in the SFD process. Although there have been moments of tension where our personalities collide, we have begun to work as a strange symbiotic organism or military unit. Now, out here in the middle of nowhere, we find ourselves dependent on each other for our personal wellbeing and potentially, even survival.

Tonight, as we hiked, we discussed and prepared for the possibility of encountering a bear. Although the chances are slim this time of year, I was slightly on edge, with an increased awareness of my own mortality. Up in the hills of Mashuyak, with wind howling and the low light of the midnight sun, it's easy to understand how animal prey can be caught unaware of stalking predators. I was not so afraid of being stalked, but more of walking over a hillside straight into the sightline of the world's largest land carnivor. This morning, now back at camp, as Forbes reads a camera manual and I label footage, I’m thinking the following,

If I were ever to come across an angry hungry bear, there’s no other person I can think of, that I’d rather make a stand with... Or, be eaten with ;-)

peace,
d
Pics
1) Arctic ocean flying into Ulukhaktok
2) Arrival in Ulukhaktok
3) Sunset in Mashuyak
4) View of camp from hills. Our camp last cabin at point
5) Logging footage after hiking all night


Holman (aka Ulukhaktok)


Tomorrow (Friday) at 11am we hope on a plane for a 2hr flight to Holman (recently renamed Ulukhaktok) on Victoria Island. Thanks to Sean Gray and Aklak Air for helping us out with the tickets and enabling us to reach the far North. I'm very grateful.

We spent most of today packing and organizing our gear and are ready to go. Somehow, all fitting on our backs, we've managed to organize 7days of food, warm clothing, stoves, parkas, sleeping bags, a tent, and most important, camera gear and lots of film. I've had a hard time selecting which cameras to bring and I've decided to go all film. It's been hard to let go of the instant gratification of digital mainly because I want the ability to instantly share the images on the blog. But it's time to get to work on the film side of things. I'll be carrying a 16mm Bolex, 4 small Minolta XL401 8mm cameras, and an old Mamiya C220 medium format camera passed down from my mother. (You can see these camera's under the gear section) Forbes, on the other hand, is armed with his small Canon PowerShot A520 digital camera and the Windpath Sony digital video camera. The Searching for Dragons Film Project is set to begin!

Although we have open ended tickets, we plan to be gone for a week or until we hear word from Inuvik that the ice is breaking up on the Mackenzie River. The latter is due to the fact that I really want to see, film and experience ice break up. Hopefully the Mackenzie ice will last long enough for us to spend some time out on the land, and capture the film's opening images.

The blog will most likely be quiet until we come back. In the meantime, here is some basic info and images from the web to wet the appetite,
_______

Holman is located on Victoria Island at 70°43’N and 117°45’W, 925 air km north of Yellowknife, 507 air km northwest of Cambridge Bay, and 322 air km north of Kugluktuk.

Holman Island is a traditional home of the Copper Eskimos. Franklin was the first European to visit the area, and Collinson soon followed in search of the lost Franklin expedition. Habitation of the island was first reported by Steffanson in 1911 when two villages were sited. The Hudson Bay Company post opened in 1940 and the Holman Eskimo Cooperative was formed in 1961.


From: Jacqueline


Below is an email from Jacqueline Carey who is reading the blog from Newfoundland. Emails like this capture what my project is all about: Sometimes, the only way to move forward, is to let go.
peace,
d
_______
Hey Dan,
I felt compelled to write to let you know that I feel like I'm with you in more ways than one on this wonderful adventure you've embarked upon. I've been reading your web log and have passed the site onto Mom because I just knew she'd love to read it as well...and she did.
I really relate to your Web Log Blues entry...Wow. I kept reading along and thinking how much I could identify with what you were saying and experinecing. When I finished university and became a social worker...I fully intended on "saving the world" by helping kids in abusive homes. (The wonderful minds of 21 year olds.) I had no idea that just over 5 years later, I would walk out of my office, leaving the job I had planned for behind in order to preserve my spirit and soul...with no other option in sight. You talked about resisting...and that is exactly what I had been doing - resisting the urges to make a run for it because I believed that responsible adults didn't quit their jobs after buying a house and a car while all the while ignoring that my body, mind and spirit were telling me to move on.
During my time off over the past year, I have allowed time to meditate and to reflect on where I was and where I need to go...and now I find myself headed overseas in the Fall to study in Irealnd. Something I had always wanted to do, but somehow willingly let go of after becomming caught in the world of: work to gain material things and keep working to keep them.
Finally, I learned to trust and accept that the universe has a way of taking care of us...and that it would do just that for me. So, reading your log was so interesting because I feel like though we're geographically so far apart, we're on a similar type of journey.
Thanks for putting yours into words. I'm sending lots of positive energy your way and wishing you the best in your project. If you end up in Newfoundland or in Irealnd, don't forget to look me up...you'll always have a place to stay. Take care of you and give my best to Forbes.
Jacqueline

“If you want to reach a state of bliss, then go beyond your ego and the internal dialogue. Make a decision to relinquish the need to control, the need to be approved, and the need to judge. Those are the three things the ego is doing all the time. It's very important to be aware of them every time they come up."
- Deepak Chopra


MGP - 3


The Mackenzie Gas Project has five partners:


MGP - 2


The more I read, the more the Mackenzie Gas Project (MGP) sounds like an inevitable bad move made by Canada. But, I am well aware that there are people in favour of this project. So if you are reading this, and in support of the MGP, please send articles or arguments to sfdwindpath@gmail.com. I'm interested in understanding the economic argument and posting information in favour of the project.

In the meantime read this short article regarding MGP & NAFTA from The Council of Canadians,

Action Alert: Stop the Mackenzie Valley Pipeline

peace,
d


Inuvik - Spring Thaw


1. Spring thaw.
2. Inuvik streets during spring thaw
3. Communications tower at night
4. Weekend hiking (Emma, Forbes, Brook, me)





Inuvik Youth Centre


This past Friday Forbes and I were hanging with Brook Land-Murphy, the executive director of the Inuvik Youth Centre. While hanging, gangsta style, Brook mentioned that she was dealing with the problem of how to secure laptops at the centre to prevent them from being stolen. Kids will be kids.

After meditating on the problem, I came up with the 'windpath security system' (aka laptop Alcatraz)! I think Brook was a little surprised at my desire/need to build stuff. I actually brought tools with me for situations like this, and maybe for some paying jobs along the road. Anyway here are some pics of the end product, it's not fine craftsmanship since I was missing my circular saw, but good luck in getting those laptops past the glue, the screws, and metal bars ;-)

While building the security system we were surrounded by youth (ages 7-12) who were eager to help out.. "can I do that?", "can I try?", "what are you doing?", "I don't think it's going to work"... I gave them the drill and, under close supervision, let them drill some holes and screw some screws. "It's scary" followed by more "can I try?"... basically.. I didn't build a thing.. haha.. the kids are the true construction geniuses. Anyway once the basic form was built Brook gave all the kids spray paint cans and, under close supervision, let them go wild. And wild is a good way to describe the final aesthetic... kind of graffiti-punk-lego stylings. I like it.

Based on the vibe given out by Brook and the overall feel of the physical space, I can honestly say the Inuvik Youth Centre is a great space for kids of all ages. I'm glad there's a place where they can all go when things at home get a little rough, or they just want someone to talk to. Good work to everyone that keeps the place kickin', including the youth who take ownership and help to create that home away from home vibe. For a drifter like me, home is where the heart is.. and this place has heart.


1. laptop security
2. Forbes testing theft device
3. Brook & I kickin' it in Youth Centre gear
4. Kids.. always lighting stuff on fire.. including youth centres



peace,
d


Canada/US Consumption


Canadian Oil Consumption: 1,765,000 barrels per day
- 2004 Stats from Canadian Association of Petroleum Producers

United States Oil Consumption: 20,731,000 barrels per day
- 2004 Stats from Energy Information Administration



Mackenzie Gas Project - Pipe Dreams


One of the main reasons I'm up here is to learn more about the Mackenzie Gas Project (MGP). The MGP is all about access to energy, and as the world population grows and people consume more than ever, energy is quickly becoming a major concern for the entire planet. Without access to cheap energy economies can't grow, food can't be produced and technology is rendered useless. With many experts around the world claiming we've hit global peak oil (ie. world oil production is on the decline. Read: The Long Emergency), people are beginning to take the time to stop and think about where we're headed.

About the MGP:
The Mackenzie Gas Project is a proposed 1220-kilometre natural gas pipeline system along the Mackenzie Valley of Canada's Northwest Territories to connect northern onshore gas fields with North American markets.

Why Now?
Natural gas was discovered in the Mackenzie Delta area in the 1970s. A Mackenzie Valley pipeline has been talked about for a long time. In the last few years, there has been renewed interest in a Mackenzie Valley pipeline. This is because several factors have changed:
  • Market conditions favour a northern pipeline.
  • Technology and construction methods have improved.
  • Some aboriginal land claims have been settled.
  • Support from interested northern parties for a Mackenzie Valley pipeline has increased
The Government of Canada is prepared to provide $500 million over the next ten years to create a fund to address socio-economic impacts on communities related to the planning and construction of the Mackenzie Gas Project. Contributions to the fund will depend on project milestones being met. Parties have agreed to work together to resolve outstanding technical issues related to the fund.
_______
When I came up here I was completely against the project, but like everything in life, no issue is simply black and white. I'd like to share some of the things I've been learning about both sides of the debate,

Pro.
1. There are a lot of people up here who are in support of the MGP.
2. People want jobs, people want money, people want to be succussful.
3. The MGP should also bring more money for things like education, healthcare, special programs, and local community infrastructure.
4. The Inuvialuit and Gwich'in are at the table and will be part owners of the project giving them some degree of control and allowing them to determine how their respective revenues from the project will be spent. (The Deh Cho to the South are still working on their land claim and have yet to arrive at a place where they feel they would benefit from the project.)
5. The MGP environmental impact assessment claims very little impact would be made on the environment as they install the pipeline. Environmental concerns will be taken into account by the oil companies as they move forward.
6. Overall when it comes to economics the pipeline is good for almost everyone in the North. Jobs=Money=Power=Education=Goods=Services=A Good Future.

Con.
1. Many people are against the pipeline as they don't feel the environmental impact assessments are accurate. They claim it will destroy the land and natural animal habitat of the Mackenzie Delta, the worlds 4th largest Arctic delta.
2. The pipeline is set to be built underground crossing 580 rivers and streams - affecting marine life and fishing grounds.
3. Drilling sumps left behind from the last oil boom are still leaching fluids into the permafrost and affecting the land. People have concerns over new sumps being created.
4. The project could potentially fragment the habitat of grizzly bears, woodland caribou and wolves while destroying forests and wetlands.
5. People fear the project will trigger a rush of oil and gas development in the Mackenzie Valley further affecting the land and the people.
6. The natural gas is to be used to extract more oil out of the tar sands of Alberta, tar sands produce a dirty crude that further exacerbates problems of global warming.
7. Many fear that good jobs created by the MGP will mostly go to Southerners while only leaving locals with more socio-economic problems.
8. The drilling platforms up North will affect Important Bird Areas which are crucial breeding or staging areas for millions of geese, tundra swans and other migratory birds.
9. With more money and 'stuff', many elders fear people will further lose their connection to the land and the traditional knowledge that has ensured their survival in the past.

I encourage everyone to perform a web search on the Mackenzie Gas Project to learn more.

I personally think this project is inevitable - the energy is here and the world is quickly running out of gas. It's no longer a question of if the MGP goes through, but a question of when. I'm also happy to see that the local Inuvialuit and Gwich'in at the the table.

At the same time, being a dreamer, I have to wonder why we aren't investing more dollars into alternative energy. Why not keep the Mackenzie Gas Project as reserve until we REALLY need it further down the road. Or is it that we're already there?

Aren't there better investments than spending billions of dollars on an energy source that we already know is unsustainable and the cause of serious global environmental damage? What would happen if people in power decided to instead spend billions of dollars on hydrogen, wind, or geothermal research? What kind of world could we be living in? Ahh, pipedreams.

Or... what if we invested billions of dollars into educating people about the importance of using less energy? That's the big one, before we drill for more natural gas or pump another few billion barrels of crude, shouldn't we first consider how to reduce what we need? This point is the key to our future, we have to become conscious of the real costs of energy and alter our individual lifestyles to use less.

It's not as simple as MGP=BAD but rather Why? Why now? And, are we looking at all our options for the best possible future? Hmmm.

Some interesting images below from the Canadian Arctic Resources Committee outlining the MGP project's potential scale and impact from 2009 - 2059.

peace, d


Mary Kendi


A great little online pdf on the elder we interviewed this week.

www.gwichin.ca/Research/elderPDFs/MaryKendi.pdf

peace,
d


Homemade Bread


A few days ago we were invited for a delicious dinner at Inuvik Mayor Peter Clarkson's home! Peter and his wife Sue were great to speak with about the land up North, our plans to camp in Holman, and good times in Inuvik, past and present. It was really a great evening, and again, I'm thankful.

We spoke for a little bit about the importance of slow food and Peter's involvement in the local Inuvik Community Greenhouse. Peter started the greenhouse by saving an old hockey arena and converting it into a space for growing food. It's an amazing space and I'll have some pictures and more info soon as we're planning to visit the site tomorrow and shoot some footage.

Tangent: We just spent three days shooting in Aklavik. A great interview with Elder Mary Kendi and Velma Illasiak principle of Moose Kerr School. Two amazing women, who together, share a great understanding of the past and a vision of the future. We have some great footage, but more importantly, Forbes and I both walked away with the great gift of a deeper understanding of the North.

Back to the Clarkson's and the topic of slow food.. let me tell you.. Sue's fresh bread served with dinner...... mmmmmmmmm.. our group almost ate two loaves before the main course touched the table. Below is Sue's recipe and if you've made bread it's pretty straight forward, but if not, now is the time to start! Making homemade bread forces us to slow down and realize what's important. For me it's things like good people and homemade bread ;-)

peace,
d

Sue Clarkson's Bread
In large bowl, take about 2 C blood temperature water and mix in molasses (or honey, sugar) and 2 1/2 tsp active yeast (no quick rise...it's all about the process); let it sit in a warm place about 10 minutes until frothy

then, mix in about 2 C of blended flours (unbleached flour, barley and spelt gives nice texture); mix 100 strokes and cover to rise in a warm place until doubled in size

meanwhile, cook oats to add if desired - let cool

then, begin to add blended flour one cup at a time into mixture; add 2 1/2 tsp salt for taste

turn out onto counter once the dough isn't sticky in the bowl anymore; continue to
add flour (it may take several cups) and knead bread into a soft, tender ball that feels elastic once fully kneaded (consider the texture of the inside of your thigh...that's the feeling of the dough to work towards)

cover and let rise until doubled in that warm place (beside my woodstove or in the new spring sun works best)

punch down; cover and let rise until doubled again

turn out onto lightly floured counter and form into loaves; place into bread pans;

cover and let rise until ready for the oven


bake at 350 for 55 minutes (or so depending on the heat of the oven)

share with friends while still warm and with enough sweet butter to see your teeth cut into


Web log Blues


I have to tell you. I'm very unhappy with my blog. But, at the same time I'm very happy with the fact that I'm unhappy with my blog. This is because I want the process to be visible to the outside world. I want to get away from the idea of polished perfection and highlight the fact that the world we live in is imperfect. I want to embrace and learn from the imperfection and in doing so learn how to improve things, and in learning, find growth, and in growth, find happiness.

But right now... I'm unhappy with my blog ;-)

There are no straight lines in life and although we may set out to get somewhere specific, we often find ourselves arriving someplace completely different and unexpected. Being unprepared, we struggle and resist only to make matters worse. Instead of this struggle, we should relax, reflect, enjoy the new scenery, and work towards becoming conscious of where we are, why we're there, and what we're learning. Then once we've answered a few of these questions and perhaps regained some of our balance, we can draw a new road map and outline a new direction.

Then repeat a similar process.

I'm unhappy with my blog for a few reasons.
1) I'm a filmmaker not a writer. So I have a mild insecurity around writing.. not usually.. but as I learn about people reading my blogs I begin to care more about grammar and punctuation and what people on the outside are thinking. I have to let this go and treat it as a personal journal.
2) I feel my blog entries lately are empty and lack depth. In this, my blogs aren't accurately reflecting who I am. As a person, I've often been told I can be a little too deep for mainstream society. Depth can work against you when people just want to party.
3) My blogs are lacking depth because in life for the past few weeks I've been fairly distracted and out of touch with myself.
...
..
.
This is where the process takes hold.

I've just had the mild epiphany that my blogs are an accurate reflection of where I am. I've become distracted, and, through the content, the blogs are reflecting that distraction. So although I think they bite, this is the art of life. Everything we say and do, everyone we meet and love, and everywhere we go, provides us with a mirror reflecting us back towards ourselves. And, if we take the time to look into that mirror, maybe we find some answers to help us move forward.

hmmm...

When I turned on my computer to write this entry, I had the intention of writing about choices... life is all about choices. hehe.. uh yeah.

Choices
I've been going with the flow and not making definitive choices and therefore I've been pushed and pulled into all sorts of situations with GREAT new people. Although these people are amazing, I am struggling with a lack of time left for personal reflection. Without reflection, I'm losing track of my focus and what I'm here for.. for me it's all about balance.. finding the balance between being a workaholic, passionate, and focused filmmaker who is maybe holding on a little too tight.. OR.. Completely letting go and going with the flow and allowing the doors to open and people to send me where I need to go. With one I'm left all alone with lots of focus but no open doors, while with the other, I find myself walking through doors that are actually turning me away from the direction I'd like to be going.

It's all about choices. A conscious choice regarding WHEN to hold on and WHEN to let go. A conscious choice regarding WHAT to hold onto, and WHAT to let go. A conscious choice regarding WHO to hold onto, and WHO to let go. And a conscious choice regarding the ingredients you allow into your personal process. It's time for me to become more active in deciding what goes into the Searching for Dragons mix.

These reoccuring themes are part of what it means to begin. For me it's marking the transition from conscious thought into action.

peace,
d


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