My friend Shaheen at Friend of a Friend Films sent me this email, literally from a friend of a friend.
Thanks Ben whoever you are,
peace,
d
_______
Hi everyone...happy holidays and a great new year to you all..wishing you all the best in 2008!!

in light of all the corporate christmas hype, i wanted to share a link to a video i recently watched on CBS, documentary "in the name of God" directed by the Naudet brothers, who also were the 2 French documentarists caught in and survived the fall of the towers in NY...you can see the first exerpt of this movie at the following link...if you are interested in this sort of essay, i know you'll enjoy...it covers 12 major religions from around the world and compares their views on spirituality and life/death...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vv9Pkoev-KQ

again all the best to you in the new year...hope you enjoy this.

ben

Merry Christmas.

Contact Kelly Egan at 613-726-5896 or by e-mail, kegan@thecitizen.canwest.com.

Last night as I was driving to my sleep spot here in Meeker, I couldn't help but feel that I'm outside the world looking in, that I'm living in a crack or a tear in the fabric of our manufactured reality.

I drive along like a ghost, in between people's realities, somewhat outside the mainstream.

No one knows me here, people see me, but few connect, leaving me on outside. And, I'm becoming more and more self sufficient in the van, needing less contact, allowing me to be even more invisible to the world.

It's a strange feeling. Everyone is racing around for Christmas, shopping, running errands, visiting family, getting excited, and there I am just sitting, drifting, watching, listening, but not a part of any of it. Maybe it sounds creepy, maybe it sounds sad, but to me it's kinda nice. It's nice to be getting closer to that separate reality I've been searching for. It's nice to be closer to a world outside the construct, a construct that is even more apparent to me during Christmas than any other time of year. Christmas is the epitome of a consensus trance, we all agree to shop, shop, shop, visit, spend family time, and dream of a Coca-Cola-colored fat man, even if we don't believe in Jesus. It's strange really.

Now I do believe in and support all the good things that come with Christmas, family, spending time together, so I'm not knocking the whole deal, I'm just illustrating a point about created realities. I love the idea of tradition, but not conforming to traditional ideas that have gone off the rails, and not subscribing to traditions without any awareness of what you're doing or why you're doing it. I would argue that for a lot of us, we simply celebrate because it's what everyone else is doing.

I heard this woman giving another woman shit yesterday,
"You're in big trouble!"
"Why?"
"Because yesterday I had a really hard day at work, and as I was driving home I was thinking, oh it'll be so nice to see Julie's Christmas lights on. But as I rounded the corner to your house, there was Nothing, NOT A SINGLE LIGHT!"
"Yeah, we decided not to set up lights this year."
"And, why is that?"
"Oh, just didn't feel up to it, but we DID set up a tree yesterday."
"Well so did I, AND I have lights outside!"
"(smiles trying to end the conversation)"
"Well, I just wanted you to know, you're in big trouble."

There it is, don't try to stray otherwise you'll be in BIG TROUBLE! Conform or else! It's all so funny to me. The cult of Christmas ;-) Hehe, I'm being facetious to a degree here, so don't hang me using colored lights.

But in any case, I feel outside this Christmas reality, with the exception of my visits to gas pumps, and my online blog time. But maybe in time those too will fall away somehow, I'm not quite sure.

I do know I'm desperately trying to rethink the box, I'm trying to get outside it for a clearer understanding, and maybe Christmas is a good place to start. I almost feel that we're pigs, rolling around in a mud of wealth and excess, congratulating ourselves and our families for being so holy. Meanwhile our lifestyle has helped put the planet in peril, and around the world so many others are going without.

Maybe we should get our holy priorities straight? Maybe we should extend the idea of helping in soup kitchens for the poor to the rest of the world. And maybe, just maybe, the best way to help the world is to stop the Christmas consumption craze altogether!

But then what about the economy, and jobs, and US... true, there are no easy answers... especially if we never ask any questions to begin with.

peace,
d

While I'm high on caffeine and inside a nice cafe, I want to write something I've been meaning to write for awhile. (If this entry looks funny, it's because I'm having formatting issues...)
____________
TRIBUTE TO MOSES
I don't know where I'd be without Moses.
My guide dog.

When people ask if I'm lonely I tell them no.
Thanks to Moses.

Oh the conversations we have, they're a film in themselves.
Perhaps I'll make one.
Conversations with Moses.

When I'm blind and can't see the road ahead, he provides guidance.
Tells me to stop and play in the snow.
Tells me to curl up and sleep.
Tells me to just relax and take some time to smell the rabbits.

When it's cold outside and frost is on the van's windows,
Moses is curled up at my feet radiating heat.
He's definitely this man's best friend.
Without him I'd be lost.

People ask me his name, and I say Moses.
After a South Slave Dene man named D'Arcy Moses,
A well known fashion designer.
Who led me to the pup while up in Fort Wrigley, NWT.
It's not biblical, I say, although he IS leading me out of slavery.

Oh and the friends you've made along the way.
Both dog and human.
You'll never be lacking a home in this world.
Smiles from everyone you meet.
Gifted at opening doors.










Moses, you're like a brother to me.
Without you I'd be,
Lost
Cold
Lonely
and probably out of my mind, on this seemingly endless highway.

So thanks brother,
Tonight I'll crack open that can of wet dog food,
You'll be in bliss.
It doesn't take much to make us happy.

I've found the only thing a dog needs is food, shelter and love.
I'd say dogs and people, aren't all that different.

peace,
d

Saturday, December 22, 2007
Location: Meeker, Colorado

Slept in Meeker last night and before bed captured some beautiful images of an American flag blowing in the snow. After driving all day and not shooting much, I found myself again doubting my process. But it's images like the flag that will come together in the end to create something beautiful. I'm in a place where I am not able to see the big picture, I have to have faith and just keep shooting without really knowing why.

I have general ideas regarding why I shoot the images I shoot, but for the most part it's just intuition and instinct. Although trusting intuition is not always so easy, I have to say that my mind, from memory, is starting to work with the pieces I've collected thus far. I'm staring to edit the overall work in my minds eye, and this provides direction in terms of the sorts of images I still require. I have to work on details, I tend to always capture things as a big picture instead of breaking things apart within the frame. One aspect I'm interested in is Time. I'm interested in editing together images from different places and different times to create a linear, yet out of time, journey. ?? Hehe, for example, I may take a wide image of me drinking tea in a frozen landscape, and then cut to an image of the cup coming to my lips in the Mojave Desert. You see, one continuous motion, out of time and space, although drinking tea is just an example.

See there's the optimistic filmmaker in me, expressing my vision.. but it's not always there. It's like there are two sides to me that are always in conflict, faith and doubt. I think this is much like most of humanity, a side that pushes us towards the light while another pushes us towards the darkness. I'm glad overall in my case, despite the snow, the cold, the confined living, the grime, the endless driving, the fuel consumption, and all the other difficulties, the light is winning.

peace,
d

Friday, December 21, 2007
Location: Rock Springs

Finally made it to Rock Springs when the weather cleared a bit. On the way I pulled off onto a side road to walk Moses. At the entrance to the back road was a sign, banning BP (British Petroleum) from entering. Hmmm it seems not everyone in Wyoming is friendly towards oil and gas development. I drive further down the road where I coyote drinking beers at a bus stop tells me to go talk to the locals. So I pull up to a farm and knock on the door, always fearing shotguns;-) I talk to the woman inside who explains that her whole place is off the grid using solar and wind, then talk to her husband and they explain to me that locals got fed up with BP's lack of respect and the heavy industrial traffic, hence the signs.

In Rock Springs I pull into a Flying J truck stop to sleep with the big rigs. The snow is blowing like mad, and the temperature is dropping fast. Yesterday at a truck stop I found something I've been searching for, a thermos that plugs into your lighter to boil water. It only cost me twelve bucks, but it's life changing! Now I can make tea, coffee, soup, gruel, all from my cigarette lighter... No need to steal hot water from gas stations, and no need to pull out camping stoves. I'm into the realm of hot food and drink, and just in time.

I go to bed, and wake up at 2am to start Veronica just to keep her warm for the morning startup... nothing, not even dashlights, SHIT! I left the lights on when I went to bed. Everything is dead, dead, dead. I look at Moses who is curled up in a ball, one eye open on me. "Well Buddy, gotta do what I gotta do... and you're coming with me, I ain't suffering that cold alone." Moses stretches as I get dressed, and we both head outside. I climb onto the roof and start teh generator, and plug in my battery charger and block heater. In the process I pour gasoline all over the generator creating a new fear of fire on my van rooftop, so once all is up and running I wait, afraid to go back to sleep. After an hour and a half, I try turning her over... not a chance. This girl has two batteries and they're both dead, it's going to take some serious charging time. I finally decide to go back to bed risking any possible explosions above.

I wake up at 7am the generator is still humming away, so I let it do it's thing until 8am. When I do turn her over she spits out a black cloud and then starts idling nicely. Lacking sleep I head back out on the road, and despite my fatigue, or maybe because of it, I push far south. It's overcast, snowing, cold, and I'm tired, so I'm in no mood to shoot frames.

I push all the way down through Flaming Gorge and to Meeker where I settle in for another night. South of Dinosaur there is an amazing spread of gas wells and energy infrastructure, but it's dark, snowing, and all I can think about is a place to sleep.

peace,
d

A good article.. click HERE.

peace,
d

Thursday, December 20, 2007
Location: Rawlins, Wyoming

I just tried to leave to make my way towards Rock Springs, and...




My mother's voice is screaming in my head! TURN AROUND!! hehe... so as I'm almost getting blown off the highway myself I do just that and head back into Rawlins to do some blogging and/or editing for some upcoming vids.

It's a wild winter wonderland out here, and while you're all at home cozy and ready for Christmas, think of me ;-)

Christmas isn't even on my radar... I'm not sure if it will ever be again.

Back on the Little Wolf Ranch on the Peigan Reservation, Morris and I used to eat breakfast every morning while he schooled me on the beauty of country music.. not new country... real country. In any case this Merle Haggard song has been rolling through my head these past few weeks, and inspired this blog entry title. Also just to let my Piikani family know that I'm thinking of them.
11%20Audio%20Track.mp3

peace,
d

Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Location: Rawlins, Wyoming

Today was a great day for filmmaking! I have lots of bad days, but today was definitely a good one. Woke up to a shower at a Flying J in Casper then headed south and hit the back roads between Alcove and Sinclair to see some dam and power sites. This secondary Hwy was completely deserted, reminding me to fill up the gas cans on my roof next time I come across cheaper fuel. I only had a quarter of a tank and was feeling a little insecure as I cruised along through nothingness.

The winds were blowing hard, bringing in a storm, adding to my anxiety. But these winds made for some fast moving and spectacular cloud formations drifting across the deserted Wyoming landscape. I'm sure I captured some beautiful timelapse photography out here, which fills my filmmaker heart to the brim.

As with most routes, I pretty much rely on intuition to guide me, and sure I knew there were some dams, but the scale of the energy infrastructure was immense. Then to top it all off, as I leave this back road, I pass through Sinclair and it's enormous fuel plant. Although I'm not sure if or how these images will be used in the film, it feels good to stumble upon great images of both nature and technology all in one day.

peace,
d

Here's a great site! It lists a lot of what is occurring due to climate change.

Click HERE!

So now we can read about all the changes going on, while we continue with business as usual.

Here's my script,
"Oh Geeze, this is interesting... wow... maybe we should do something about this... Oh my... Uh oh... Interesting... Oh look at what we're doing... very interesting... Oh merry Christmas... OH MY... OH NO... AHHHHH!"

(sound of cockroaches scurrying)

The End

peace,
d

I leave Lodge Grass on the Crow Reservation (pictured left) and head down into Wyoming.

I'm thinking as I drive that I should write "I have no idea where I'm going!" on the back of my van. That and "Patience" for all those people who are in a rush to get to the places that make them, um, not so lost.

It's cold and winter continues to grate on my positive nature. Winter isolates people, reducing serendipity and the random opportunities that make this project blossom. I have to go indoors to find people to talk to, to make connections, and to go indoors I have to have an idea of where I'm going, a destination, an address, something.

As I enter Wyoming I stop at the visitors center in search of.. well just in search. The lady behind the counter and I have a great little dialog and she gives me some pointers on the state and it's wonders, but I don't feel anything spectacular making itself apparent, so with a handful of Wyoming flyers, that I didn't have the heart to refuse, I push back onto the road.

Going nowhere.

I look down at my map... scanning the highways.. and there in the east is a marker "Devils Tower". Devils Tower was in my original grant application, as a destination on my route. Now that route has long since been thrown out and left to chance, but considering this recent reminder to return to lost pathways, I figure it's calling me.

When I was about ten, my brother who was fourteen, used to make Devils Tower out of his mashed potatoes. "You see this," he'd say "it's Devils Tower! It's an alien landing spot!" He's then fly his UFO (fork) into the top and make me blow milk out my nose. It all goes back to him and the film, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, which had just been released. Either way, those mashed potatoes left an indelible mark in my memory.

I turn off Hwy 25 and head east down Hwy 90... and I drive... and I drive.... and I drive. Wyoming feels like the moon, and the desolation has me doubting my decision. Veronica only goes so fast, and I'm now thinking that patience sign would be as much for me as for those behind me. And I drive. Three to four hours later I pass through Gillette and I'm kicking myself for ever coming this way. Then I see it, no not Devils Tower, although some would argue it is, a huge coal fired power plant, and then to my left a coal mine, and all around me trains loaded with dirty black coal.

The Crow Elder I had just visited with had told me that Southern Montana and Wyoming are loaded with coal, "They're gonna open more mines," he said, "and make my grandchildren rich." I responded that coal is definitely the future, holding back my fears of a dirty dark age ahead.

So this was something, but the light wasn't right so I decided to capture it on my way back south towards Casper. (Which is exactly what I did)

I head up Hwy 14 dodging wild turkeys and finally reach Devils Tower. It's getting late and the national parks don't allow dogs, so I decide to skip the 10$ entry fee and drive back the way I came to where the view was sweet. The light isn't right, it's overcast, and there ain't no people anywhere, dead calm. What the F%^< am I doing here? I call my brother and tell him where I am, "Cool!" he exclaims, and then I tell him how I feel. He tells me it's all beautiful and I just have to trust the process, he tells me to enjoy the silence and continue to work to create a beautiful reality, in short, he tells me it's going to be ok.

There is one place open, I think to myself, back up the road, a sign that reads, "For Heaven's Sake, Stop and Eat Before We Both Starve!" I figure an actual hot dinner for once sounds really good. The clouds begin to clear, as if in response to my attitude shift, and I head back up the road and capture a breathtaking sunset upon the stone column.

Afterwards the Cages family of the Devils Tower View Restaurant invite me in and feed me up nice, and I ask if they mind me sleeping in their parking lot, they insist mentioning a hot breakfast and coffee in the morning. I sleep well, feeling everything is going to be ok.

In the morning the Cages explain that Devils Tower was given it's name by some white Colonel. First Nations call the site, Bear Lodge, Tree Rock, Home of the Bear, and Grey Rock. In fact, they have no name for devil in their language, and like everything it all goes back to stories, stories we, never took the time to hear in the first place...

peace,
d

Saturday, December 15, 2007
Crow Agency, Montana

Before heading onto the Crow Reservation I had a shower in Hardin at a gas station. If it weren’t for the shower, I’d still be hiding behind my grime, since when I’m dirty, I go introverted. I could write a whole book on showers and how much I love them. The things we take for granted.

I crossed onto the Crow Reservation and immediately felt home, it not being long since I left the Peigan Reservation in Alberta. But I don’t know how things are in the U.S. and I’ve heard horror stories about A.I.M. (American Indian Movement) and tensions between Natives and non-Natives. So I’m also tense, anxious and unsure.

Upon arriving at the Custer Indian Battlefield Café, and being greeted by a set of the warmest eyes I’ve seen in awhile, I quickly learn that most of what I’ve heard are just stories. I don’t know what it is with people and their stories. Fear, be afraid, and watch out! It’s all mostly bullshit, people are beautiful, if you walk with good intentions and treat them beautiful in turn.

Sure bad things happen to people in the wrong place at the wrong time, but most often, commonsense and intuition go a long way.

After an amazing breakfast cooked up by Chester, I get into a conversation with some people passing though the café/store. I tell them about the project and give them some flyers and then go grab a horsehair bracelet for myself. It isn’t long before one of them is standing behind me, “Hey, you should go talk to my granddad. He knows a lot about this stuff, and has some great stories.” I tell him I’d love to, and then chat some more, getting directions and planning for a visit in the a.m.

I spent the afternoon at the Big Horn Indian Battlefield. As I was signing the guest book, it asked for comments, I had none. Now I’m back in my van parked in the darkness outside the café across from the battlefield. I have permission to sleep here, and I’m at ease. But how do I feel about today?

As I walked the battlefield, most other people drove through it. I thought about spending time in a place and how I’d like to be able to sleep up among the graves. I’d like to have more time to feel this place. It’s an amazing place, the graves are where the soldiers were actually killed, and so you can see the battle unfolding before you. The grave markers are mostly in groups, men fighting together, then pairs where two men fought together, then finally, single graves where one can only presume, individuals were run down and killed.

What I find most interesting, is that the graves are almost all of U.S. cavalry and soldiers, with only a few marking First Nations. The story goes that the Native dead were taken away to be put to rest according to their tradition, whereas the non-Native were buried where they had fallen. Either way, the place strikes me as a depiction of a white history, which I guess it is, since I would assume for the Crow and the other tribes who fought here, the history lives on in stories and in the land.

As I walk through this place, I marvel at war, and humanity’s inability to find common ground. I wonder how history would have been different if we (Europeans) would have approached North America without an agenda, open to learning new ways of seeing and being.

"WHAT WEALTH did Berman cry out in anticipation of? Let us be kind, as we hope historians will be kind to us, and say that for him and for many others on those threse small ships perhaps the hummingbird would have been enough. The hummingbird, fresh food after five weeks at sea, and the astonishing lives of the Arawak.

But the record tells us that in the end there was very little imagination here---it was gold, silver, pearls, slaves, and sexual intercourse. It was venal greed, a failure of imagination, the reduction of desire to its most banal elements. True wealth---sanctity, companionship, wisdom, joy, serenity---these things were not to be had without an offer of heart and soul and time. The Spaniards had no time, and we find it easy to say on the evidence that they were heartless and immoral. The only wealth they could imagine was what they took.

The Spanish wanted no communion with America, the place or its people. Residence, except residence construed as land ownership, was not of interest to them. America was not to be a home or what a home implied--- the responsibilities and obligations of adult life. They had left that behind in Europe, had traded it away for lawlessness....

The true wealth that America offered, wealth that could turn exploitation into residency, greed into harmony, was to come from one thing--- the cultivation and achievement of local knowledge. It was in the pursuit of local knowledge alone that one could comprehend the notion of a home and its attendant responsibilities. So the first question at Guanahani might better have been: Who are these people? What is this land?"

-The Rediscovery of North America, Barry Lopez

I wonder if these same processes are not repeating themselves today, and if there isn’t a way that we can move forward without killing each other. For if, as history displays, there is no other way, I have great fear regarding our future on this planet, a future that is now in question.

I guess that’s the beauty of it all. After thousands of years of killing each other, in the end, we are at the mercy of Mother Nature and she may wipe us out in a fashion that makes all of our wars seem so very insignificant.

Peace,
D

Friday, December 14, 2007
Livingston, Montana

This morning when I awoke in Jackson, it took me two hours to start Veronica. I turned her over and her cold engine quickly killed what was left in her frozen battery. As Moses wanders hunting for rabbits, I crawl up onto the roof and start the generator. Then I plug in the battery charger and block heater and wait… It’ll take four tries at half-hour intervals (waiting for the battery to recharge), before I finally get her running. It’s not cold, I think she may have just gotten a dose of bad diesel, or her computer is recalibrating post tune-up. Either way, it’s a good exercise in patience to be freezing your ass off on the side of a deserted highway waiting for your baby to thaw and wake up.

Moses doesn’t mind these things too much.

After some time on the road we reach Livingston in the late afternoon. I call home, throw some laundry in at the laundry mat (I’ve been wearing the same thing since I left Missoula) and take Moses for a scout about town. Hmm, no showers anywhere. I haven’t showered in days and I’m feeling pretty grungy. Back at the laundry mat I pick up a local paper, the Livingston Weekly (papers like this often lead me to interviews or provide general direction) inside there isn’t much that relates to the project, so I flip to the comics, the crossword and Rob Brezsny’s Free Will Astrology,

Libra It's the Season of Returns and Recoveries, Libra. You will generate good fortune if you look for what you lost. Here are some suggestions on how to proceed: Recall important memories you've almost forgotten, retrieve any valuable things you rashly threw away, and bushwhack your way back to a promising path you strayed from. For best results, you should forgive yourself of any mistakes you think you made that led to the loss.

I couldn’t have said it better myself.
Peace,
D

Thursday, December 13, 2007
Jackson, Montana

It’s late. I just crossed the continental divide.

A few months back my brother was urging me to drive out to Vancouver, “No”, I told him, “I’m staying east of the mountains, I’m traveling down the centre of the continent.” It just struck me, I was never ‘supposed’ to be in Missoula, as I crossed the border, I went off track.

Now, although I’ve felt lost, I really don’t believe in being lost. As it reads on a scrap of paper on a mirror in Hanna’s house, “Wherever you go, there you are.” I couldn’t resist adding, “Nowhere, or rather, Now here.”

But I have been feeling lost and discouraged, but tonight as I crossed the continental divide something washed over me… the sadness and winter’s despair washed away. Somehow I felt I was getting back to something I had misplaced, returning to a path I had partially strayed from. Then wouldn’t you know it, I drove into a town called Wisdom.

“Entering Wisdom” the sign reflected back at me in the light of my highbeams. Now I’m not so certain this is the case, but in my state of being simultaneously lost and found, it was a beautiful sign non-the-less.

Although I passed through Wisdom, I like the notion of entering, since perhaps this process takes some time, and the sign wasn’t reflecting where I am, but rather where I should be trying to go.

All I know is, it’s amazing how a simple street sign can completely undo feelings of disorientation.

peace,
d

Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Big Creek Trail, Montana

The cold still silence of the Bitterroot Valley has me feeling lonely and isolated. I’m having a hard time seeing my project once again and feel off track and lost. This is a recurring feeling for me that comes and goes, but this time it’s running deep. The cold of winter is discouraging, and I feel trapped by the limitations created by ice and snow. I’ve been sleeping up here on the Big Creek Trail, my original intention was to come up here for silence and to hopefully capture some images of clearcuts. I have been gifted with silence and some images of forest burns, however the clearcuts have eluded me. I know they’re around here, but I have no idea where, hence I’m lost. Adding to my sense of hopelessness is the deep snow, in the north I was prepared with gear, but most of this was sent home a year ago, me not expecting to encounter winter again on this journey. And deeper it goes. Am I lost? Am I really lost? Is the fact that I’m surrounded by snow-pack rather than Mexican landscapes a testament to this fact? And what does this mean for the film, where is it all going?

Feelings of returning home and abandoning the project are engulfing me. I could be at home, taking advantage of winter to fall trees up at the farm to set aside for my future log home. I could be warm and comfortable. I could be planning for a sustainable future, my sustainable retreat, as James Lovelock called it. Get out while you still can, the voice inside me is screaming. Forget this film nonsense! And that’s the point really: where is it all going? Where is this film going, where am I going, and where is this human experiment called western civilization going?

Maybe I should jump ship while I still can…

peace,
d

3:23p.m. leaving Missoula Montana and heading into the Bitterroot Valley to find silence and capture some images of clearcuts. Again not for black and white propaganda, but as an examination of our complex relationship with nature. What's better, local Montana wood, foreign wood, no wood, plastic... and where is it all headed?

This afternoon I stuck around long enough to get images of the coal trains rolling in and out of town. While shooting, a homeless guy told me I should go down to the coal mines near Telluride, Colorado.. and so it goes, life informing the journey. It'll be awhile before I get there, for now it's mountains, forests (or lack thereof) and cold crisp silence.

Missoula is a great place and I'm thankful to everyone who took me in and formed my community. If we take the time to be open, the possibility of connectivity is endless and so very beautiful. This connectivity between people leaves me with an overwhelming sense of abundance, where mi casa su casa takes on a whole new scale.

peace,
d

Like I've said so many times before.. we need to slow down.. even stop what we're doing. Just stop.

Let it load and watch: The Story of Stuff
Pictures from the mall that told me I'm not allowed to take pictures, for fear of copyright infringement against their commercial renters. How ridiculous!

Missoula has been a place that has left me with lots of experience. These past few days I’ve been working on Veronica and fixing her EGR and PCV Valves. To uncover that this was her problem, I first had to travel through her computer: performing diagnostic tests with a paperclip. The result: Code 32…

For the record, I am not a mechanic, but I am finding, that as with everything else, it’s only ourselves standing in the way of our learning, adaptation, and fearlessness towards things we don’t understand. So into her engine I delved.

Code 32: what’s interesting about code 32 is that before you can get there you have to pass through code 12. Code 12 is a handshake code, it’s the computer telling you, “Hey, I’m Veronica’s computer, and I’m just letting you know that I’m working properly and I’m prepared to have a conversation about Veronica.” To me this is fascinating since I’m talking to my van, and as an extension, we’re all speeding around in giant computers.

When you think about it, we all spend so much of our time with computers. I know I’ve spent a lot of time in front of this computer, editing footage, sending emails, working on my website, doing press, connecting, and at the same time, disconnecting. So can you have a connection to the sacred, a connection to nature, while still immersed in the computer age?

There’s this great café here, with free wireless and a great vibe, but mostly filled with people staring into laptops. I’m one of these people. It gets to the point that a conversation can seem a crude interruption to the technological flow people are immersed in. I don’t think it’s necessarily bad, just mind-boggling to have a café where overall, there are fewer authentic conversations and people, while connected, are also at the same time so very disconnected.

In this high-speed technological reality, in the wake of so much connectivity, do we also give something up, something deeper and more innate? Do we sacrifice authenticity?

The momentum of our technological reality has us so busy that I wonder if there’s a whole other dimension going unnoticed. This is the image that I’ve been toying with, and am interested in as an artist. It’s this idea of layers, and varying levels of human existence and perspectives, in this complex and infinite natural world.

In being too busy with our lives to slow down, we fail to take notice of the plethora of layers and perspectives. In a technological reality we’re preoccupied with the usual comings and goings and the frantic pace we’ve set for ourselves. And while we ARE connected at that speed and level, how deep does our connection penetrate, and again, what are we letting pass us by?

It becomes difficult to sit back and feel a connection or see people and things with authenticity. But again, here’s the paradox, because technological reality itself also involves a certain type of connectivity and comfort, just different layers of human nature interaction.

Since leaving Canada, I’ve found myself re-immersed in a technological world, feeling both connected and disconnected at the same time. In my uncertainty and anxiety, I’ve quickly returned back to the comfort zone. Here life’s easier in the fact that I have a community and am immersed in the wonders of technology. But at the same time, there’s an intuitive feeling of loss and disconnection from myself, from my path, or from nature. I’m not quite certain what it is. But now having been inside contemporary society for this long, I’m struggling to get back out again, to get back into the silence and the authenticity of the natural world.

That’s the point, as humans we’ve arrived in a technological reality where we spend our time jumping from technological space to technological space. To settle in-between these spaces for any real length of time is to be uncomfortable, and we are all playing leap-frog together.

peace,
d

It's exhausting just thinking about writing a blog like this one, a blog that could be endless in it's scope and direction, and a blog that deals with something on which I have much to say. A blog on education.

Throughout this journey, I've spent a lot of time working with youth and alternative youth resources. Every chance I get, I like to engage with future generations and rattle the door knobs of the doors that have been closed on them. I like to open their eyes to the possibilities that aren't made evident, and let them know that they are powerful beyond measure and are co-creators of their reality.

Usually I repeat the same mantra, focusing my efforts to question media and the ideological apparatus it maintains: "Learn to use media, don't let media use you!" In this way, I hope to plant the seed of thought that true reality is far more interesting than media's projected images of who we are, and who we are supposed to be. I want young people to realize that it's up to them to find their identity and shape reality according to that identity. Don't buy in, without first seriously questioning what you are buying in to!

I have major issues with the standard North American education system. I feel before children are even given a chance to find themselves, they are thrown into a world of scheduling, conformity, and an overall unnatural environment that reinforces archaic notions of class, success and the pursuit of material wealth. And let us not forget it's ability to demonstrate to our children ideas of failure and the consequences of being different, or thinking outside the box.

Recently I was given the opportunity to speak with students of the Napi Friendship Center's Alternative School in Pincher Creek, Alberta. In conversation I told them about The Searching for Dragons Film Project, my serendipitous filmmaking process, and somehow we entered the realm of education. I expressed how fortunate they are to be the less fortunate, to be the "problem" children marginalized and outside of the mainstream system. In the alternative school setting teachers are able to spend the time to build relationships with their students. And students are able, to a large extent, to exercise self directed learning: pursuing not only a one size fits all curriculum, but what they are genuinely interested in as human beings. In short, children are enabled to follow their own path and learn naturally, teaching them to engage with and be interested in everything around them. After all, life and everything the universe throws at us, will always be our greatest educator.

Although I have a university degree and am relatively well educated, I personally, still feel the education system failed me on a number of levels. I feel that I've always been a visual learner in a world governed by science and mathematics. I feel that if as a child, I was given more freedom within my school environment, I would be much further along my life path than I currently am. I was conditioned from my school experiences to think I was a slow learner, when in fact, my spirit just didn't agree with the manner in which I was being taught. We didn't see eye to eye, if I would have only known that then and had the tools to stick up for myself.

The other place where I feel the system fails is in the area of the academic timeline, if you are not here at this place at this time you will be left behind. When I was in high school I had very little interest in physics, science, or algebra/geometry, but instead I thrived in the realm of the arts, and in creative thinking, disciplines not overly supported then nor now. But after a university degree at the age of twenty-three everything changed, I became very interested in architecture and set out to pursue it. Unfortunately, although the head of the school of architecture was very interested in adding me to his program, the academic gatekeepers at the institution turned me away. No physics or algebra/geometry. Determined I went to adult night school, where you are expected to learn a year of physics in two-weeks.. hence I failed. My point is this, where was the educational system when I was ready and interested, why was it that I had to adapt to the system or have doors of opportunity closed on me? Why did the system not support a more natural and human process in which we all learn according to our own self-interest and in our own time.
_____________________________
Upon arrival in Missoula, Montana, I ran into Hanna Hannan of ZOOTOWN ARTS.

Hanna enables Missoula area artists to visit schools so that children may experience an artist-studio atmosphere with an array of media. ZOOTOWN'S after-school program provides a job market for artists, and a positive experience for children with other artists their age. It is, basically, art club for elementary age students in the public schools, with connections to Missoula-based artists, and in this case, me.

I spoke with the students about filmmaking, my journey and The Searching for Dragons Film Project. We then filmed the students as they engaged in a creative process in which they were making dragons.

I think programs like ZOOTOWN ARTS are so very vital to children and the world as we truly need creative solutions to find our way through the mess we have created. I think it's important that we teach children the importance of process versus destination and little by little shift the future paradigm in any way that we can. It all begins with childhood and losing touch with natural curiosity.

peace,
d

It was at 6:15 that Hanna Hannan walked into my life... or rather I walked into hers. We were both just resting naturally. peace, d

Resting Naturally
a redundant rant on resting within environment by Hanna Hannan....

As human beings in contemporary life the long to have a connection of any magnitude on any level arises due to the extremity of modern life. The need to feel a kind of authentic experience exists. Everyday life is filled with contrived situations, social obligations, culturally defined behaviors, and busying tasks. Many seek and long for meaning that has nothing to do with belief systems or religions whatsoever.

This seeking of meaning perhaps stems from an inability to relax. Perhaps it stems from the lack of opportunity to feel authenticity in relationships, work, time spent, and even natural play or recreation as living beings. The social obligations, behaviors, and expectations of our lives permeate our free time as well.

The solution, therefore, could be in making a decision to have an authentic experience with one's environment or in one's life.

The most healthy and mindful teachers in the world believe that this solution is to rest naturally through these experiences. Yet, in it's very essence of simplicity, resting naturally, is difficult to grasp because it feels so very unnatural to us in contemporary society.

We have, over time, learned to analyze and take in to account that all things are valuable and display a learning experience. Yet, learning to rest naturally through these experiences, emotions, and life events creates an authenticity which we all long for and desire. Resting naturally means exactly what it is. Resting. Relaxing. Being thoughtful. Allowing our mind to think quickly and honestly. This is quite different from impulsivity or intuition. Resting naturally is more being mindful in the immediacy of what is going on around you and in direct relation to you. It takes practice. This is also different from being passive. Resting naturally allows a person to literally 'see' the things around them and within themselves in a non-objective, beneficial, and authentic way.

Resting naturally allows a person to almost always perceive an expected or unexpected event as a benefit rather than as a disaster or dismissed as an easily forgotten event. One no longer needs to dwell or think about the future. After all, the future happens whether we think about it or not. We can continue to exhaustively entertain scenarios or we can simply rest through them, with the realizations that correct actions and answers will be provided naturally; our perceptions of circumstance being all that is stopping us from resting naturally. Ask yourself this: how many times has your mind changed past perceptions/points of view in the wake of present events and experiences either learned or forced upon us by our environment/others?

By resting naturally, all decisions become clear and easily decisive in everyday action of life. When resting, you are like a line drawn in water or an old man basking in the sun in a rocker. You are still engaged, yet relaxed and at ease. When resting, personal conviction dawns revealing who and what we are, a simplistic and basic space of self-awareness. Our minds are literally allowed for once in their life to simply be "aware" and open to what is around us. There becomes a complete ease in who we are as human beings that has nothing to do with belief.... Life becomes easy and natural. There is nothing left to say or do. Events happen. Emotions happen, and disasters happen to us and others., but when resting naturally, happenings become perceived with wisdom. The happenings of life become like a line drawn in water. They are neither real nor unreal because they are not tangible to us and will continue to change. They just are. They display themselves and then resolve themselves without us doing or acting on anything.

The solution to obsessing about events, the fading away of conditions (like love or sadness), as well as the falling away of expected results throughout our life, is simply imperturbable rest. Realistically, it is, quite possibly the single factor that ensures this "freedom" which u and i feel from what we do. This feeling of "freedom" is simply resting naturally and allowing the environment around us in all its wisdom and chaos to happen without the exhaustion of forcing it into old patterns and social conceptions, expectations, and contrived ideas. It is all perception. We have all heard that the only thing matters is how we perceive something. We can either learn, live, and love the wisdom given to us though events or continue an exhausting barrage of thought patterns that analyze situations.

Things/events arise and then dissipate whether we choose to do anything about them or not. We could analyze, dissect, and use our energy and mental capacity to dwell on them or we can succumb to the fact that they all will resolve themselves naturally, so why waste
energy on repeating patterns. Truly, we all know and understand that it is exhausting.

Life is a collection of these 'appearances' or events... we can choose what to do with what we are given, and we can create..... We continue to make life meaningful by attempting to give ourselves a self identity by labeling these appearances. (Our culture is very good at this) For example, i am divorced, i am an artist, i am Hanna, i am compassionate....... but a collection of appearances or these "points of view" if you will--a life does not make. They are exhausted analysis that do and will come and go throughout life. They are all viewpoints and perceptions which are not tangible; which make them unreal, and constantly changing and moving; just like our emotions.

As a response to our environment we can choose to rest naturally under all conditions and situations and the outcome will present itself....well, naturally.

Dan has a passionate viewpoint about human interaction with their environment. He is creating a film about it. If he chooses to rest naturally the film will create its own pattern of wisdom. Dan has not forced or contrived anything to happen with expectation.

If you rest naturally you are as wisdom awareness on top of a mountain. You can see all sides of the situation to see where you are going. Your mind doesn't become muddied by the points of view and "appearances" of daily life. The mind is no longer cluttered with contrived notions of definitions and labels. You still have emotions. You still have experiences, but what you also have by resting naturally is an ease of conviction. You are seen by others as authority because you have obtained true wisdom within resting naturally. People feel it. You command life around you with the obtained wisdom that you are comforted by your natural environment and its wisdom to solve all problems without action. You rest. You know what to do, and where to go and when. You trust yourself. By resting naturally you have placed yourself in a position of great success. It is like natural selection because you are in direct contact with your environment.

This direct contact is authentic because it is highly connected to other beings and the world. It is also filled with wisdom and meaning because of this innate connection. Resting naturally makes life simple; so simple it takes only our mind to decide to rest within its simplicity. It takes only your mind to allow itself to "see" and reach its full capacity and potential as being aware. Our mind can have direct contact with its true natural potential in all there is to see and experience with authenticity as basic natural organisms and living beings.

Rest.

Hanna Hannan
ZOOTOWN ARTS
Owner/Artist Instructor
art workshops and classes in the Missoula Valley
zootownarts.blogspot.com

This is the quote off the cover page of my funding proposals... I'm not sure if I've already posted it, but it's a good one. peace, d

“ALL PATHS LEAD TO THE SAME GOAL: TO CONVEY TO OTHERS WHAT WE ARE. AND WE MUST PASS THROUGH SOLITUDE AND DIFFICULTY, ISOLATION AND SILENCE, IN ORDER TO REACH FORTH TO THE ENCHANTED PLACE WHERE WE CAN DANCE OUR CLUMSY DANCE AND SING OUR SORROWFUL SONG -- BUT IN THIS DANCE OR IN THIS SONG THERE ARE FULFILLED THE MOST ANCIENT RITES OF OUR CONSCIENCE IN THE AWARENESS OF BEING HUMAN AND OF BELIEVING IN A COMMON DESTINY.”
-- Pablo Neruda, 1971

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning is a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of it's furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

Jelaluddin Rumi
Sufi Poet
1207-1273

It's Sunday, a day of rest, and my lack of resting has brought back a blog I wanted to write last week.

Last Friday was Black Friday. Before coming to the U.S. I had never heard this term since it's not used in Canada. For those of you who don't know, Black Friday is the day after American Thanksgiving when the official Christmas shopping season begins. Why black? Because it's often the holiday season that brings most retailers accounting balances out of the red and into the black.

This holiday season, the American public are supposedly planning on spending less over the Christmas holidays. This idea of less spending is being greeted with reactions of doom and gloom, since many fear less spending will lead the U.S. into a recession and eventually much worse.

With consumer spending accounting for about three-quarters of U.S. economic activity, some economists say it is inevitable that the economy will stop growing at some point in the coming year, for the first time since the mild recession of 2001. “Right now, the question is how bad it’s going to get,” said David Rosenberg, chief North American economist at Merrill Lynch. “The question is one of magnitude.”

Others are more direct. Nouriel Roubini, an economics professor at New York University who has been predicting the collapse of the housing bubble for years, wrote recently that not only is a recession inevitable, he also sees “the risk of a severe and worsening liquidity and credit crunch leading to a generalized meltdown of the financial system of a severity and magnitude like we have never observed before.”

Excerpt: From Black Friday to Black Recession, by Costa Tsiokos - Population Statistic

My angle on all this talk of economic downturns, slowdowns and other doomsday scenarios is actually quite optimistic, economic slowdown can be seen as a good thing. Our drive for growth and our drive to make and spend money has so many negative repercussions. These days it seems we spend all our time in pursuit of the almighty dollar, and as a result, less time paying attention to what truly matters. Lost in a daze of compliant corporate citizens we are oblivious to the direction we are traveling and the seriousness of our impending situation.

The solution to the problems of global warming, environmental degradation, fossil fuel shortages, and our debt-ridden economic house of cards all lie in doing more with less, and in slowing everything down. We need to take the time thus providing a temporal space in which we can all use our greatest evolutionary gift, adaptation.

We may be spending their money, but they're spending our time.

Imagine a world where our time is more valuable than money.

In this world we work less, but in working less we have more time to think about the consequences of our actions. In thinking about the consequences of our actions, our priorities begin to shift, we have time to connect to our children, time to grow food or connect to local energy efficient food sources, and most important, time to connect to what we really need to become fulfilled... not very much at all.

I would argue that most of the 'stuff' on sale this Christmas, on a net basis, will actually make us more miserable than we already are.

Hmmmm, I'm clearly a naive optimist with a utopia-view of what could be... the reality is most of us don't care about connecting to our children, our food, or what's really going on. Instead we're driven to connect to the mall so we can then connect our new plasma-screen TV.

And it's obvious that before we can reach this utopia vision of reality, a recession would result in suffering because our current model doesn't enable adaptive responses. And this is the point, by ignoring adaptation we're choosing a road that is not going to be easy. We need to be more proactive and we need to do it NOW.

And if its bad, people will go hungry and children will suffer and there will be disease and depression and violence before we come out the other side. In the article I posted last week James Lovelock is predicting six billion people dead in the next forty years! Now maybe he's off by a long shot, but leading scientists seem to be saying the same thing, we're in DEEP shit! So what the hell are we all working towards a new plasma-screen TV for?

“They bank on your apathy, they bank on your willful ignorance … How can you enjoy the good life when Rome is burning?” - Lions for Lambs

In the end hopefully we come out better off and freed from this archaic system imprinted on us by the industrial revolution, now far outdated. There are no easy answers, and I do recognize that we can't just go from here to there without some growing pains. But one thing I know for certain, I'm not on-board with SHOP TILL YOU DROP...

peace,
d