Tuesday, March 9, 2010

The silence of this place is starting to clear away the mess of my soul. There isn’t much to do here right now since I don’t have permission to film and this is forcing me to sit and breathe and cry and sit and breathe. This morning I woke up and took Moses for a walk… or rather he took me for a walk because here he’s free to roam and is no real need of walks. Before long I was sitting at the overlook outside of town listening to the wind rustle in the leaves overhead. I’ve been in San Andres for three days and for the first time I feel like a bit of my spirit is returning to me. There’s still a lot of pain, mainly as a result of the pain I know I’ve caused others, in addition to the pain that comes from the fear and lack of faith that sometimes takes hold. I think this pain will be with me for a long time, and although my heart will remain open, I feel the lone wolf has me securely in its jaws once again. The wolf is an interesting animal… I’m grateful to have it as one of my totems.

On returning back to Tranquilino’s I arrived to find the kids playing outside… playing nothing in particular… just playing. They are mesmerized by Moses and so I show them how he sits, lays down and fetches a stick. They giggle when he chases the stick, and they giggle more when I chase him, and soon I find that I too am giggling and laughing… genuinely… for the first time in weeks.

There is no doubt in my mind that this place is healing me.

There’s also the matter of perspective. My brother was telling me last week of a 26yr old man who he met with cancer who is dying.. end here Tanquilino with six children in a small house made of dirt has a wife in the hospital about to have open-heart surgery. Things could be worse, and I’m grateful to be alive and feel all the pain and misery of the life that I’m living. I’m grateful to have people who love me enough to support me in my insatiable inner need to walk this road less traveled…

In the afternoon I walk to the town center and sit… something tells me if I sit there long enough something will happen. It’s weird to operate on this level of intuition… when you don’t know why you’re doing something, only that it needs to be done. So I sit, for about ten minutes. There’s a government truck with some guys in it, another young Huichol guy sits across the square hanging out watching me. A giant grasshopper walks by, I take it’s picture. Nothing magical or mysterious has occurred… so I head back home. But as soon as I get home I’m compelled back to the square, Moses is looking at me like, what… we were just there.

Back in the square I decide to walk upstairs in the main building to talk to the Governor about gaining permission to film. I get upstairs and no one is there, a packsack is in the corner. All of a sudden the young Huichol man is there behind me. We talk for a bit and it turns out he isn’t Huichol at all, but has traveled from Cuernavaca, Mexico to see a shaman at the next town over. We talk some more and his name is Andres, and he has been walking for days to get here, so close, but not quite there. He’s looking for a ride. I tell him about how I plan to talk to the Shaman of San Andres when he returns in a few days, and then it hits me that maybe I’m supposed to go visit this Shaman Andres is talking about instead. So I offer him a ride. On the walk back to the van, I know intuitively that the shaman he’s seeking is not for me, and that I am meant to wait, but I tell him I’ll give him a ride all the same since it will be beautiful to see another smaller Huichol community.

He accepts and off we go, to see the Shaman, who it turns out is Tranquilino’s uncle in law. He sends his greatings with us... Funny how things happen.

We drive an hour across bumpy roads to the next town and the Shaman isn’t there… he’s off in Real de Catorce gathering plant medicines. Andres, not sure what to do, hums and haws for a bit until finally we leave back to San Andres. Andres doesn’t have a penny to his name, no food, and nowhere to sleep, but I have a feeling about him and I think it’ll be ok. It’s funny, because here I am helping people again, the savior with the van…

Tranquilino tells Andres he can tent in the yard, and I make some gruel out of the van, and we eat it with fresh tortillas (best I've had in Mexico) made on the fire inside the house.

Seems all is well,

peace,d