Searching For Dragons

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2010-03-17T02:36:00.001-04:00

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View From Here...

2010-03-14T21:29:00.002-04:00

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

The silence of this place is starting to clear away the mess of my soul. There isn’t much to do here right now since I don’t have permission to film and this is forcing me to sit and breathe and cry and sit and breathe. This morning I woke up and took Moses for a walk… or rather he took me for a walk because here he’s free to roam and is no real need of walks. Before long I was sitting at the overlook outside of town listening to the wind rustle in the leaves overhead. I’ve been in San Andres for three days and for the first time I feel like a bit of my spirit is returning to me. There’s still a lot of pain, mainly as a result of the pain I know I’ve caused others, in addition to the pain that comes from the fear and lack of faith that sometimes takes hold. I think this pain will be with me for a long time, and although my heart will remain open, I feel the lone wolf has me securely in its jaws once again. The wolf is an interesting animal… I’m grateful to have it as one of my totems.

On returning back to Tranquilino’s I arrived to find the kids playing outside… playing nothing in particular… just playing. They are mesmerized by Moses and so I show them how he sits, lays down and fetches a stick. They giggle when he chases the stick, and they giggle more when I chase him, and soon I find that I too am giggling and laughing… genuinely… for the first time in weeks.

There is no doubt in my mind that this place is healing me.

There’s also the matter of perspective. My brother was telling me last week of a 26yr old man who he met with cancer who is dying.. end here Tanquilino with six children in a small house made of dirt has a wife in the hospital about to have open-heart surgery. Things could be worse, and I’m grateful to be alive and feel all the pain and misery of the life that I’m living. I’m grateful to have people who love me enough to support me in my insatiable inner need to walk this road less traveled…

In the afternoon I walk to the town center and sit… something tells me if I sit there long enough something will happen. It’s weird to operate on this level of intuition… when you don’t know why you’re doing something, only that it needs to be done. So I sit, for about ten minutes. There’s a government truck with some guys in it, another young Huichol guy sits across the square hanging out watching me. A giant grasshopper walks by, I take it’s picture. Nothing magical or mysterious has occurred… so I head back home. But as soon as I get home I’m compelled back to the square, Moses is looking at me like, what… we were just there.

Back in the square I decide to walk upstairs in the main building to talk to the Governor about gaining permission to film. I get upstairs and no one is there, a packsack is in the corner. All of a sudden the young Huichol man is there behind me. We talk for a bit and it turns out he isn’t Huichol at all, but has traveled from Cuernavaca, Mexico to see a shaman at the next town over. We talk some more and his name is Andres, and he has been walking for days to get here, so close, but not quite there. He’s looking for a ride. I tell him about how I plan to talk to the Shaman of San Andres when he returns in a few days, and then it hits me that maybe I’m supposed to go visit this Shaman Andres is talking about instead. So I offer him a ride. On the walk back to the van, I know intuitively that the shaman he’s seeking is not for me, and that I am meant to wait, but I tell him I’ll give him a ride all the same since it will be beautiful to see another smaller Huichol community.

He accepts and off we go, to see the Shaman, who it turns out is Tranquilino’s uncle in law. He sends his greatings with us... Funny how things happen.

We drive an hour across bumpy roads to the next town and the Shaman isn’t there… he’s off in Real de Catorce gathering plant medicines. Andres, not sure what to do, hums and haws for a bit until finally we leave back to San Andres. Andres doesn’t have a penny to his name, no food, and nowhere to sleep, but I have a feeling about him and I think it’ll be ok. It’s funny, because here I am helping people again, the savior with the van…

Tranquilino tells Andres he can tent in the yard, and I make some gruel out of the van, and we eat it with fresh tortillas (best I've had in Mexico) made on the fire inside the house.

Seems all is well,

peace,d

Entering the Huichol Flow

2010-03-14T21:15:00.004-04:00

Monday, March 8, 2010
Location: San Andres, Mexico

After arriving yesterday in San Andres, Tranquilino brought me to meet the Governor. He wasn’t at his office so we milled around for a bit and just as we were about to leave, an unshaven man in full Huichol dress appears. Tranquilino informs me this is the Governor and I relay a message to him from Rocio. I then explain to him that I have no idea why I’m here except that my heart has directed me. He smiles knowingly. I tell him, all in broken Spanish, that I’m a filmmaker, but that right now I’m here for personal reasons and I would like to stay to visit with his permission for a few days and return for Semana Santos celebration. I also tell him that I have an offering and I would like to meet with the Shaman of town because I feel my spirit and heart is broken and I need vision. He responds telling me many things that I don’t understand through the language barrier, but I understand enough to know that I am welcome and I can sleep at either his or Tranquilino’s house.

On the walk back to the van, Tranquilino explains I am welcome to park at his place, and I accept gratefully. I tell him I'd like to do some work in order to not indulge my personal sadness. He tells me there isn’t much work to do, except to go get some water.

It’s funny how water keeps coming back around… off we go in the van with giant Roto-Plas container to get water. After filling it, I spend to whole afternoon moving it by bucket from the container in my van (450L) to a neighbors container on the ground, then back to the original container now by Tranquilino’s house. It’s really an archaic and ridiculous process but I’m grateful for the work, and eventually it’s all back in one spot ready to use to flush toilets, bathe, and cook with.

peace,d

Openings...

2010-03-14T21:05:00.005-04:00

Sunday, March 7, 2010
Location: San Andres, Mexico

I awoke this morning to the sound of Tranquilino’s baby boy speaking outside my van. As I looked out the window they both sat on the sidewalk patiently waiting for me. I rubbed the sleep and tears from my eyes and got dressed.

Vulnerability & Truth: I cry twice a day these days… sometimes just a bit… sometimes deep guttural sobs where I feel like I’m being torn in half. It seems, no matter how hard I call my spirit back to me it doesn’t come. Thoughts and feelings tied into faith and doubt take hold and overwhelm me… I’ve been clinging to faith and inner strength… Lately I feel that in facing my shadow I have become a shadow of myself… Daniel is simultaneously leaving and becoming… the vessel is being emptied... like it or not.

A university professor once visited Nanin, a Japanese Zen master to inquire about Zen. Nanin served the man tea, pouring his visitor's cup full and continued pouring. The professor watched the overflow until he could no longer restrain himself. "It is full to overflowing. No more will go in!" he said. Nanin replied, "Like this cup, you are full of your own opinions and speculations. How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?

I think to empty the vessel and let go can be as simple as breathing… then why is there so much pain emanating from within me? The only answer I’ve found is attachment, expectation and my resulting judgments... the suffering comes from holding onto these along with a healthy mix of fear… and reality.

In reality there is no good or bad… only what IS, and what IS, if we can step outside ourselves and our egos, IS perfection… I think that’s the meaning of faith.

But for the moment… faith is a hard road and I’m no use to anyone, including myself like this. (So my self-indulgent ego is saying…) Yesterday I was in Guadalajara… and I actually seriously thought about stepping out in front of a bus… I felt how it would all go blank… an easy fix to suffering. I never thought I could feel like this…

I have no one to blame but myself for the pain I’m feeling. I chose THIS, all of it, including what is becoming a BIG step for me… to kill the part of myself that has had a stranglehold on me ALL my life. I’m killing a bullshit savior complex because it’s all tied up in ego, built up in my childhood and then reinforced by me throughout my life. There’s a time when we have to take personal responsibility and realize that we are our only problem… that it is only ourselves standing in our own way.

In clinging to this false ego-based image of myself, I’ve denied those I Love of their right to BE. In order to be the savior we have to create and believe in a victim, and in doing so we deny people their ability to take care of themselves. In supporting the illusion that someone needs you, you only reinforce the idea that they need you… and thus you are needed. The Reality IS, nobody actually needs saving, except me… here and now… from myself.

From what I’ve seen of this world, this is usually the case for most of us… but being either the victim or the savior, and we all play both roles as we see fit, is all too easy and tantalizing. The universal ad campaign supporting these ego-identities does its work well… it’s built into us from the moment we’re born, and we a do good job in reinforcing it for each other along the way.

So now, rubble inside and behind me, I have retreated into the silence and solitude, my old haunting grounds… ever-slowly letting go… not of love, not of truth, not of anything that is real… but of the illusions I’ve built up around myself that aren’t serving me or anyone I love anymore. Somehow, In ALL of this chaos, falling apart, and letting go, I’m honoring a deep faith and intuition, one that defies all logic and understanding. I’m walking, feeling blind, but walking all the same.

I was sobbing to my brother on the phone the other day… and reassuring me, he said, “When you chose this life, no one ever said it was going to be easy… but remember... you chose it.”

… too damn right.

peace,d

Huejuquilla

2010-03-14T21:01:00.001-04:00

Saturday, March 6, 2010
Location: Huejuquilla en-route to San Andres

I’m parked on a small road that leads into the small town of Huejuquilla. I pulled myself out of my self-created-sorrow the other day to go to a small party and exhibition to raise funds for the community of San Andres in the mountains of Northern Jalisco.

At the party I met a woman named Rocio who vibrates with love and a deep genuine power rooted in humility. Rocio has lived and worked with the Huicholes for most of her life and is the founder of Casa Huicholes in Guadalajara. Casa Huichol is a place Huichol individuals can live for free in Guadalajara while they get needed medical assistance. In addition to providing this urban shelter, Rocio also collects donations and organizes fund-raisers to gather money that goes directly to the community of San Andres.

I introduced myself to Rocio, told her of my journey, and explained to her that I’d like to visit San Andres. I asked her if she thought this was possible and with a twinkle in her eye she replied, “Everything is possible!”

So here I am two days later… I am on my way, and have also been charged with giving a lift to two Huichol men and they’re two small children. Felipe is in his early forties and has a boy Oliver who is eight. Tranquilino is in his late thirties with his child of one and a half. I have become what is called among the Huichols, the point of the arrow, providing them a ride home.

Today I drove about seven hours to get here to this town where Felipe and Oliver are catching another ride to their home. Tranquilino will continue on with me to San Andres tomorrow where I am supposed to meet the governor of the community in order to be welcomed in.

There hasn’t been much talk on the drive today because I haven’t been sleeping too well lately and I’m too tired to work through my Spanish. The silence is a much-needed respite from the noise of Guadalajara, and has created some space for my mind to process all that has happened lately.

I have a good feeling about heading up to the mountains… back into the void of the unknown.

peace,d

Journey Into the Mountains

2010-03-05T15:44:00.002-05:00

So after following numerous leads for about two months I´ve been invited through a doorway to visit the Huichol communities of San Sabastian and San Andres... I´m very grateful for this opportunity and am traveling with an open heart and good intentions. I´m not yet sure why or even where I´m going, but I have faith in the process, and no matter how difficult it`s been of late... I´m ever-grateful for ALL my guides, the learning, and the growth.

I leave Guadalajara tomorrow to give three Huichol individuals a lift home... they will act as my initial guides. It should be interesting since I speak only a little Spanish and they speak no English.

You can read some basic information about the Huicho HERE.

I will be back somewhere around Mar 12-15 to meet my original project assistant and friend Forbes Campbell in Guadalajara. We may then return to the mountains for the annual Semana Santos (Easter) Celebration.

Forbes is rejoining the Searching for Dragons Film Project after three years to help me finish this long road. I am grateful to have his support.

paz, amor, y luz,
d

Water Fountains & Creative Healing

2010-02-26T10:05:00.005-05:00

There's nothing like getting your hands dirty and doing some hard work to give you a sense of purpose and make your body feel good. It's especially lovely when the work you're doing is creative and filled with love.

I arrived back in Guadalajara en-route to Zecatacas... I knew I´d get sucked in again by Frank´s charismatic charm and I wasn't wrong. Knowing I love to build from my last visit a week ago, it took no time for him to make me an offer. Free room and board here in downtown Guadalajara in exchange for a little creative labor and letting guests into the hostel at night. Living free sounds really good right now considering my financial status, there are a few more shots I´d like to get from Guad, and I feel the need to create something tangible in a few days... rather than the epic magnitude of my current film.

So what to do... Frank suggests, half in jest, how about we build a fountain upstairs like the one we have downstairs. I respond, "Sure, I can do that", and he looks at me not believing his ears. "Just order the bricks concrete and we´ll get busy."

So off we go... We start by knocking out a concrete shelf with a sledge hammer. Everything down here is built out of concrete unlike back home in Canada where we tend to build with wood. So it´s a great opportunity to develop new building skills.

Next the concrete, sand, bricks and tile arrive.. and after some heavy lifting and mixing, I'm laying bricks. The thing I love most about this kind of work is the physical work out. Hard work can be beautiful medicine for the soul and there's nothing like looking back as you leave a place and saying.. I built that (with help from Frank, Elwin, & Alex!)

This project is leaving me feeling strong and grounded and I feel like I'm rebuilding my own foundation as I work. I've literally and metaphorically lost my footing a few times on this journey south, and there have been many times I've felt lost, but I think sometimes having a lack of direction is a direction in and of itself... since all roads lead to Rome.

Right now I´m grateful for aching muscles, and to have a safe place to create something beautiful while trying to find a sense of peace. I've literally put blood, sweat, and tears into this project... I'm walking away feeling like I need more of the same... I have a lot of emotional energy flowing right now and the biggest challenge is finding ways to channel it in a healthy and constructive manner. For me filming only goes so far, since much of the emotion relates to this epic process, a process that is often a cross in itself.

It's interesting how ever since my spiral tattoo, I've been relating to water. Last night while watching the waterfall flow into our new pond, I was thinking how the spiral is an evolution for me. I used to be interested in circles and circular patterns.. but what's interesting about the spiral is that while, like a circle, things come back around... they never return to where they once were. Thus in identifying with the spiral, I like to think that I'm breaking circular patterns, and growing into new broader perspectives.

I can't wait to build my own home one day. You can be sure I'll have water features everywhere, inside and out, teaming with life. This has been a good first effort... and I think it turned out rather well, the fish and turtles seem to be enjoying it ;-)

Held Hostage by Mariachis

2010-02-23T13:11:00.002-05:00

I was down in Chumulco soaking in the hot springs where I met a man who told me the town of Cocula was 10 minutes away.. and is the birth place of the Mariachi. He told me I should go film.. I thought it was a good idea. All of a sudden he's calling the restaurant and making arrangements for a private table.

Next thing I know I'm stuck in a restaurant where I'm the only foreigner stuck filming mariachis. The whole restaurant is staring at me and I can't grab the quick samples and leave because I'm obliged by the special table and courtesy.

Short and sweet.. always watch out for people doing you favors. I ended up leaving after a 100 pesos meal, when I could have eaten for 20 pesos up the street. But captured some good 8 & 16mm, so I'm grateful.

Apologize for the shit digital cam pic.

paz,d

Poem

2010-02-23T11:24:00.002-05:00

A nice poem sent to me by my friend Vonda... Thx sweetie. paz,d

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars t...hat shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.

- Mary Elizabeth Frye

Volcan Paricutin

2010-02-22T11:27:00.008-05:00

Sunday February 21, 2010
Location: Villa Corona, Mexico

Left Patzcauro early Friday morning after connecting with some nice people that may eventually lead to a few interviews. It was only a few hours before I arrived in Paracho, famous for it’s guitar makers and stores awash in musical instruments of every kind.

I wandered around Paracho feeling a bit lost before I finally decided there wasn’t much worth filming aside from some small image samples. However I couldn’t leave this famous town without first buying a guitar… a cheap guitar… for 400 pesos or 40 bucks. I gave my last guitar to a friend during a personal meltdown in Utah, so it’s nice to have music back in my life… or at least the tools to create music, since I’m still learning.

From Paracho I headed down to Angahuan which is famous for being next to what was once the town of San Juan. You see San Juan was one of the largest municipalities of Mexico back in the early 1900’s before the Paricutin Volcano erupted in 1943. The volcanic eruption first began as a massive earthquake, before the ground opened up in this farmer’s field and began to emit steam and ash.

Soon the lava started flowing, and continued over the next nine years eventually covering the entire town. Everything was destroyed with the exception of the massive church that had been a central monument and center for prayer of a town that Raymundo estimates was around three thousand people. Although the lava knocked down many of the walls and covered much of the building, the steeple remained intact and to this day stands in memory of the community that was once there.

Pulling into Angahuan there are several guys offering horseback rides up to see the volcano and remaining church. I think it’s important to hire these guys and toss them a few pesos for the local economy. There was one older gentleman who approached my van with cane and sombrero and offered me his services. I asked him if he had a horse and he laughed and said no, he walks giving the tour on foot. He then went on to explain that he is eighty-two years old and was fifteen years old when the actual eruption occurred.

This was my man. I haggled with him over the price for a bit and then invited him into my van. As he climbed aboard I could see that his old knees were clearly in pain. The forty minute hike was going to be interesting.

Much to my surprise Raymundo was quick on his feet, hobbling along in front of me knocking rocks away with his cane and moving swiftly. As we walked he explained (all in Spanish) the morning of the first earthquake, and how the ground opened up. He told me how although no one died it was very sad that the volcano erupted because for years there was no food for people or animals due to a lack of crops caused by the thick layer of ash that had fallen.

Raymundo took me up through the field of volcanic lava and along the way showed me the remnants of houses embedded deep in the lava. If it weren't for him I' wouldn't have even noticed these stone walls amidst the volcanic rock. It's incredible to consider the power of nature and it's ability to reshape our world.

On the way back from the guided tour I asked Raymundo if he was willing to sit for an on-camera dialog the following day. He smiled and replied that it would be his pleasure since very few people care about history anymore. He told me people come and visit the site take pictures and leave, without ever having a true sense of what happened.

I slept in the parking lot of the tourist facilities for 50 pesos, and fiddled with my new guitar. The following day Raymundo and I met up for our talk and he explained the whole event from beginning to end. How the earth shook and opened up, the sadness, how many people considered it a miracle, but how he saw it only as an act of nature. He was a bit shy to be on camera but was wonderful overall since his deep aged voice resonated well into the lavalier microphone I rigged him with.

I hiked back to the site after our talk to capture a timelapse on HD and met with a young guy selling necklaces, he motioned me to the obsidian, and seeing the chain I couldn't help but toss him a few pesos for it. I talked with him and his girlfriend for awhile, but with the language barrier we didn't get too far. As I left he told me we could speak without words since we were on the same energy level where we could speak from the heart... as least that's what I think he said ;-)

I left town feeling good like although I had been lost and having a hard time a few days earlier here I was found again... but I knew it wouldn't be long before I was directionless once more. So it goes I guess, so is my process of letting go and handing things over to a higher power. Faith isn't easy... especially when the universe doesn't always agree with us.

Pulling out of town I met up with Raymundo again, who took my hand in his and gave me blessings for my journey and my family. Something happened between us in those few days, I felt a kinship with him, and he looked at me like a grandfather would a grandson. It was strange considering my own grandfathers death that was close at hand... it may sound wonky but there was something comforting in his gaze, as though he was a messenger telling me not to worry, he was going to take care of me.

peace,d

Emil Oppinger: 1920 - 2010

2010-02-21T13:54:00.004-05:00

I'd like to take a moment to express my love and gratitude for my Opa, Emil Oppinger who passed away this morning in Speyer, Germany. He has always been a great inspiration to me and my thoughts have always been with him while on the road.

He taught me the value of channeling life's creative energy and the potential that lays in always keeping our hands busy. There has been many times in the past few months when I've thought of him and my Oma and their lifelong thirst for adventure. They hiked the alps until their seventies and often when I feel I can go no further in my own process, I think of him, his long life, and the determined spirit with which he lived.

Tonight I will light a candle in prayer. I feel he is somehow still here, on the road watching over me.

All my love to my Oma, my mother, and my family in Germany,

love, d

Playing for Change

2010-02-17T19:46:00.002-05:00

Came across this thank to Frank and Julia in Guadalajara... pretty great series of vids. Search Playing for Change in You Tube to see them all :-)
paz, amor, y luz,
d

Monarch Butterfly Encounter

2010-02-16T22:16:00.003-05:00

This morning I awoke just as the sun was rising through the fog in Maravatio. After walking the dog and taking some pics, I met up Julia and Katia in their hotel room where they were set to go! Julia and Katia are friends from Guadalajara who caught a ride to see Butterflies with me :-) I dropped Katia off yesterdayafternoon in Morelia and Julia here in Patzcuaro at the hostel. All off on our own adventures again.

This morning we enjoyed each others company, while together, we marveled at the beauty of Mexico as we cruised towards the Monarch Butterfly Sanctuary in Michoacan.

We arrived early in the morning and were met by a swarm of smiling kids eager to learn about us, the dog Moses and my amazing casa (house) on wheels. They peered in asking where the kitchen was laughing, little gears turning. It wasn't long before Julia, who is hula hooping throughout Mexico, had her hoops out and had the kids glowing with laughter and some masterful hooping!

We ate a quick breakfast and were off up the trail with our guide Salvador, leaving the kids behind us to practice their hula-skills.

After a forty-five minute hike we began to notice a few butterflies here and there along the ground of the trail. All of a sudden they were everywhere, not flying but latched to the trees and ALL over the ground! We arrived at our destination and took it all in. I captured some decent images of them, but they weren't flying around due to the cold weather. Although the internet said they are gone by Mar 1, our guide told us they are best in Mid March when it's hot and they are getting set to leave. Food for thought if I'm back this way again in a few weeks. It would have been nice to get some mad shots of the swarm! I captured some of them flying around.. but not to the extent that I would have liked.

Now I'm in Patzcauro in a rain storm... thinking about the next move :-)

To learn more about the Monarch click HERE.

paz,d

Mariposa.. What a beautiful word :-)

2010-02-15T21:32:00.003-05:00

Drove from Guadalajara to Maravatio today en-route to the Mariposa Butterfly Reserve. Funny how timing works out in this crazy and weird thing called life. Tomorrow I'll be knee deep in butterflies and tonight I had a conversation that is likely a necessary contribution to my own personal metamorphosis. I'm excited for the road ahead!

There is indeed no going back now... I've truly become cragfast... as a good friend of mine used to always say, onwards and upwards!

In my experience, there are things out there in this world that can make you feel so deeply in the Dark, yet at the same time, make the Light crystal clear. I'm grateful for the light that guides me down this road and continually reaffirms the Truth that I have always known somewhere deep within myself. I'm grateful to those that shine the light, even if they know not what they do. I'm so grateful to be on this journey dancing this silly dance and singing this sorrowful song... and being human.

Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuh

Gotta love the classics ;-) they hold true today, more than ever.

paz, amor, y luz,
d

Infinite Power

2010-02-15T09:25:00.002-05:00

I had a dream the night before last. I was talking to my little sister. She was telling me I was standing in balance, but teetering back and forth. She told me I could either fall backwards or fall forwards... I told her I didn't want to fall backwards, and she told me, "the only thing keeping you from falling forwards is your fear of having infinite power..."

That was it... since having the dream I've been feeling really good. For a couple reasons, firstly I feel like a part of me is falling away in what has been a long process, these parts of me have been holding me back. Secondly I have felt like I've been about to fall into something extraordinary beyond my ability to foresee, and the dream is telling me, who loves balance that the only way forward is to fall, or rather take a small leap of faith. Thirdly, there was a sense in the dream that everything was going to be ok, and there was nothing to fear but fear itself. And lastly, it's nice to remember that I'm afraid of feeling like the power is my responsibility or mine at all, since as a very wise teacher once said, "there is no such thing as a man with power, since all power is borrowed from the Creator."

Be gentle with me... I am just a man.

paz,d

PS. Off to Morelia today to hunt butterflies.

Good Guys vs Rateros (thieves)

2010-02-11T23:40:00.006-05:00

Friday, February 11, 2010
Guadalajara, Mexico

I changed all the locks on my van today with the help of a locksmith. It felt good to spend the time with Veronica giving her some TLC. I also patched her leaky roof with silicon, and fixed up some other odds and ends. Couldn't get the windshield washer fluid pump working again, but the forecast looks like rain so for now I should be fine.

Been thinking about my direction and figured out quite a lot, but still waiting for some things to fall into place. By the looks of the weather, it may be a good thing to be staying here a few more nights since there's supposedly a huge rain storm heading North causing havoc.
--
Feb 12, 2010

Awoke this morning to clear skys and it seems the storm may have dissipated.. still have to look into weather.

Went to the Ferrerateria (hardware store) and got myself a switch and some wire and, with Marcos help, installed a kill switch in my van. It's in a hidden spot in my interior in a place where no one will ever find it, so it'll help me sleep better at night. The engine is as good as dead until you hit it.

I felt so good coming back to the hostel knowing the the rateros don't have access to my home anymore. On the way back I talked to Jesus who works the street as a parking attendant and told him to offer the rateros 500 pesos for my books and tripod.. for one day only will this deal stand. Otherwise I'll just replace it.

This is the way it works down here, playing the game of life, good guys vs 'bad guys', all thrown into a melting pot together, everyone trying to survive and make a living.

I arrived home to the hostel to Frank's friend Aldo who has spent a lot of time with the Huichol's up in the mountains of Mexico. I told him of my wish to visit and he offered me more guidance on what to bring and how to properly go about it. It's nice to have spent time with my family back on the Piikani Reservation back home, since their guidance and all the ways they've shared have in so many ways prepared me for Mexico and the broader circle. I'm ever-grateful.

So Tomorrow the plan is to take my cameras out for a walk to some various markets around town and look for some particular items I'll need in the next week or so, and capture some more images of this beautiful city. Tomorrow the markets will be filled with people and I feel in all my scouting over the past week I have a good feel for what I'm after.

Then depending on the weather forecast that I'm about to look into, I'll be off to Morelia to see butterflies (that require good weather for good images, when it's cold they just sit) and then back up to Ixtlan Del Rio to head into Huichol lands.

paz, amor y luz,
d

peace,d

South Towards the Maya...

2010-02-08T16:03:00.016-05:00

Supreme sincerity evokes resonance. - Taoist Proverb

So I've been on the road for a long time and although I've mentioned it in passing, I've never really taken the time to delve into the Mayan Calendar, it's significance to my project, and my journey.

I'm going to borrow from Daniel Pinchbeck's book 2012: The Return of Quetzacoatl. I've read quite a bit on the subject and from my perspective this is the best source on the subject. Pinchbeck borrows thoughts of Arguelles, Calleman, Jenkins, etc.

As I am nearing the locations mentioned in the the content below, beginning to explore this civilization, it's conceptions of time, and my own response to it all. The interviews I've captured throughout the continent thus far seem to resonate with much of the content below regarding imminent global shifts on every level, which in turn would undoubtedly have an affect on human consciousness.

I personally feel that much of my road has been working towards abandoning the calendar altogether, either Gregorian or Mayan. I think to rework ourselves into the Mayan calendar misses the point, since it puts the responsibility to feel and sense time onto an external source, when in reality, if we just close our eyes, we can exist in the ebb and flow of nature... naturally.

In any case, it's worth reading about and paying attention to, since, regardless of what you believe is coming down the road, there is far to much evidence telling us we should probably pay attention.

paz, amor y luz,
d
______
"A deep irony is implicit in the sudden disappearance of the Classic Maya - for never in the history of the world was there a civilization as obsessed with time, and vast cycles, as the Maya. "The Mayan civilization was based on a 'chronovision,' a total absorption of the individual and collective life in the rhythms of nature, mapped into a mathematical system that had several cyclic counts running simultaneously," writes J. T. Fraser in Time: The Familiar Stranger.

The classic Mayan accomplishments in math, astronomy, and calendrical accuracy are considered among the most impressive. The Maya employed three main calendrical systems: the Tzolkin, a scared calendar of 260 days, where each day combines a number and a day sign; the Haab, a civil calendar of 365 days, consisting of eighteen months of twenty days each, plus five extra days, considered to be unfavorable; and the Long Count, a cycle of approximately 5,125 years in total, based on 360-day cycles call the tun. Every fifty-two years, the number and day-sign of the Tzolkin match up with the same date on the civil calendar of the Haab, inaugurating a new cycle. The Aztecs, who inherited their calendar from the Maya, threw a "New Fire" ceremony on these occasions, putting out all the fires throughout the land for one night, rekindling them the next day, and forgiving debts.

The complex structure of the Mayan Calendar is at least 2,500 years old, based on earliest evidence for use of the Long Count. "The Sacred Calendar is the main entry to the thinking of the advanced civilizations that existed in the Western world before the arrival of the Europeans," writes Carl Johan Calleman in The Mayan Calendar and the Transformation of Consciousness. Throughout the Yucatan, indigenous Maya continue to use the system today. When the revolutionary Zapatista movement, based in Chiapas, organizes protests, they choose significant days in the sacred calendar, representing particular forms of energy and intention.

While we use a base-ten system of counting, the Maya use a base-twenty, or vegesimal (as opposed to decimal), system that includes zero, (0-19), which was modified slightly, but significantly, for computing calendrical dates. A day is a "kin"; twenty kins make a "uinal"; for mathematical calculations, twenty uinals make a "tun", equaling four hundred, but for calculating dates, eighteen uinals equal a tun, making an approximate "solar year" of 360 days. After this, the pattern of dating becomes regular once again; twenty tuns make a "katun" and twenty katuns create a "baktun." There are 144,000 days in a baktun - close to 394 years. According to the latest calculations and corrections, the Mayan Long Count of thirteen baktuns began on August 11, 3114 BC (in The Mayan Factor, independent Mayan scholar Jose Arguelles presents this date as August 13, 3113 BC, which is aesthetically satisfying, but misses the fact that there was no year zero in the Gregorian calendar, which flipped from 1 BC to AD 1, thus putting the origin date back one year). The Great Cycle, or the Mesoamerican Fifth World, ends on December 21, AD 2012. We are currently in the final phase of the thirteenth baktun, which began in AD 1618. After the baktun in factors of twenty, there is the piktun, calabtun, and kinchiltun, and the alautun. The alautun represents a span of time that is slightly over 63 million years. Beyond that is, apparently, the hablatun, equivalent to 1.26 billion.

"One is amazed at the mastery over tremendous numbers implied in the various terms for higher units which have survived," wrote J. Eric S. Thompson, author of Maya Hieroglyphic Writing. "Surely no other people on a comparable level of material culture have had such a concept of vast numbers and a vocabulary for handling them." On their stone stelae and friezes, the Maya recorded dates as distant as 400 million years in the past. "These very long periods seem to have been used to weld mythical and historical events into a continuity of cycles," suggests Fraser. A basic feature of Mesoamerican religious thought was "the idea of cyclical creations and destructions," wrote Yale anthropologist Michael Coe in The Maya, offering the standard interpretation, extrapolated from sculptures and inscriptions.

The Aztecs, for instance, thought that the universe had passed through four such ages, and that we were now in the fifth, to be destroyed by earthquakes. The Maya thought along the same lines, in terms of eras of great length, like the Hindu kalpas. There is a suggestion that each of these measured 13 baktuns, or something less than 5,200 years, and that Armageddon would overtake the degenerate peoples of the world and all creation on the final day of the thirteenth; the Great Cycle would then begin again.

The Classic Maya calculated the Long Count - what Arguelles named the "Great Cycle" - and obsessively memorialized and encoded this 5,125.36-year period, ending in the 2012 alignment, in their friezes and sculptures, correlating this date with the end of one World Age, or Sun, and the beginning of the next. Precisely what this future state represented to them, however, is unclear - perhaps unknown, or perhaps unfinished. In fact, it is even a matter of dispute whether the Maya believed there would be another Great Cycle beyond this one, or if the conclusion of the current epoch represented the end of cycles, and the shift into a different cosmological and temporal framework altogether." pg 190-192

____
"According to Arguelles, the 5,125 years (5,200 tun) of the "Long Count," from 3113 BC to AD 2012, measures the entire span of what we call history, from its beginning to its end - from the building of Stonehenge and the Pyramids, the creation of the solar clock and written language (all around 3000 BC) to the "end of history" in our planetary birth into higher consciousness. The Long Count codified this fractal cycle as a necessary phase, transitioning from the original organic balance of the biosphere, progressing through increasingly artificial , destructive, and destablizing layers of mechanized civilization that he dubbed the "technosphere," and finally, after the imminent collapse of our technological support systems, attaining "pristine conditions" of the noosphere - a state in which humanity, as telepathic collective, would be directly attuned to the crystalline precision of the Gaian Mind." pg 197

____
"When we speak of 'time' we are also speaking of 'soul,'" writes Gebser. The emergent awareness of the soul elicited an awareness of time, not in the modern sense of linear progression, but as a cyclical process of change, becoming and return, similar to the rhythms of dream and awakening. Egyptians of old knew only of annals or chronicles, not of historicity." Mythic man studied the stars swirling overhead, innately aware that their vast and intricate whirlings were precisely aligned to the patterns of human development on the Earth - an understanding summed up in the Heremetic dictum, "As Above, so below."

Egyptian cosmology focused on the Precession of the Equinoxes," a slow backward movement of the stars in relation to the Sun's rising on the equinox, which appears in a different constellation every twenty-two hundred years or so, requiring roughly twenty-six thousand years to complete and entire round. Precession is due to a backward wobble in the Earth's spin, caused by the gravitational pressure exerted on the Earth by the Sun and the Moon. As Robert Bauval discovered in The Orion Mystery, vertical tubes in the Egyptian pyramids were designed to align with particular stars at certain times, revealing the movement of precession. According to the Precession of the Equinoxes, we are currently at the end of the Age of Pisces, transitioning into the Age of Aquarius. Hindu and Vedic cosmology conceived of the yugas, four periods, each shorter than the last, representing accelerating decline from the Satya, the Golden Age, when humanity was self-governed by knowledge of devine law. This is the Kali Yuga, the final epoch, which corresponds, in Greek myth, to the last of four ages - Golden, Silver, Bronze, and Iron. As discussed, Mesoamerican myth conceives of cycles within cycles, like wheels, continuing over vast periods. According to the Classic Maya, we are approaching the end of the "thirteeth baktun," completing a long count of 5,125 years. pg 209-210
____
On the winter solstice of December 21, 2012, the Sun will rise within the dark rift at the center of the Milky way galaxy, an event that occurs every 25,800 years. As John Major Jenkins describes in Maya Cosmogenesis 2012, this alignment represents a "union" of the Cosmic Mother (the Milky Way) with the First Father (the December solstice sun)." Mayan hieroglyphs describe the center of this dark rift as the "Hole in the Sky," cosmic womb, or "black hole," through which their wizard-kings entered other dimensions, accessed sacred knowledge, or toured across the vast reaches of the cosmos. In September 2002, astronomers verified the existence of a massive black hole at the center of the Milky Way, naming it "Sagittarius B." Jenkins writes:

Something very profound and mysterious is going on here. Is it just a coincidence that lurking deep within the dark-rift "black hole" is the very real Black Hole at the center of our Galaxy? If not a coincidence, the dark-rift itself might indeed be the surface signifier of deep cosmic mysteries, ones that the Maya were well aware of.

This black hole is "the cosmic womb from which new stars are born, and from which everything in our Galaxy including humans, came." The dark rift through which the Sun will pass at the end of the Long Count is called in the Quiche language, xibalba be, literally "underworld road".
...
Jenkins theorizes that this astronomical event, in which the solstice meridian crosses over the Galactic equator, might induce a "field-effect reversal," just as magnetic forces operate in reverse form above and below the equator, causing tornadoes as well as toilets to swirl in the opposite direction. "As with a spinning magnetic top, the field effects on one posite direction. "As with a spinning magnetic top, the field effects on one side are different from those on the other, and Maya insights offer us the notion that a field-effect reversal occurs when the solstice meridian crosses over this line." At the moment of alignment, we cross the Galactic Equator, "the precise edge of our spiraling Galaxy," ushering in a new World Age, whose effect will be realized as a transformation of consciousness. The meeting with the "Cosmic Mother" could be seen as a strange attractor, impelling the rapid development of technology and human populations and changes of consciousness that have accelerated in the last centuries as we have approach it. pg 239-240
____

"The Maya understood that whereas the 260-day sacred cycle is our period of individual gestation, the 26,000 year cycle is our collective gestation- our collective unfolding as a species," Jenkins wrote in Maya Cosmogenesis 2012. "Precession represents a 26,000-year cycle of biological unfolding- a type of spiritual gestation and birth - that Earth and it's consciousness endowed life forms undergo." The fractal moddel of time that Terrence McKenna discovered - or downloaded- "quite unexpectedly," in the Colombian Amazon, linking the I Ching to the evolution of human consciousness in a quickening spiral, appears to be substantiated by a set of pristine relationships between the May Tzolkin, the I Ching, astronomical observations, and the genetics code, elaborated by Arguelles, Jenkins, and others. pg 232

____
In The Mayan Calendar and the Transformation of Consciousness, the Swedish biologist Carl Johan Calleman, a cancer specialist and former adviser for the World Health Organization, raised the discourse on the ancient time-science of the Maya to a new plateau. According to Calleman's Thesis, the nine levels of the most important Mayan Pyramids - the Temple of the Inscriptions in Palenque, the Pyramid of the Jaguar in Tikal, and the Pyramid of Kukulcan (Quetzalcoatl) in Chichen Itza - represent a model of time, from the origin of the universe to the upcoming phase-shift, in which each step, or "Underworld," is twenty times more accelerated in linear time than the one preceding it.

"The nine-story Mayan pyramids are thus telling us that consciousness is created in a hierarchical way and that each Underworld stands on the foundation of another,"writes Calleman. The initial level, starting thirteen hablatuns or 16.4 billion years ago, proceeds from the inception of matter in the "Big Bang," through the development of cellular life on Earth. During the second step, beginning thirteen alautuns, or 820 million years, ago, animal life evolved out of cells. The third underworld, starting thirteen kinchiltuns 0r 41 million years ago, saw the evolution of primates and the first, rudimentary use of tools by human ancestors. During the fourth underworld, beginning thirteen kalabtuns or 2 million years ago, tribal organization began among the ancestors of Homo sapiens. During the next underworld, starting thirteen piktuns or 102,000 years ago, Homo sapiens emerged developing spoken language. The next sixth underworld comprises the Great Cycle of thirteen baktuns, beginning 5,125 years before the approaching birth date, when we created patriarchal civilization, law, and written language- Calleman calls this the National Underworld. The seventh step, dubbed Planetary Underworld, thirteen katuns or 256 years, beginning in AD 1755, introduced industrialization, electricity, technology, modern democracy, gene splicing, and the atom bomb. Our knowledge became Faustian power over the physical world. The eighth level - the Galactic Underworld - thirteen tuns or 12.8 years, began in 1999, with the development of the internet into a global communications infrastructure. The final step, thirteen uinals or 260 days, will lead, Calleman believes, to the attainment of "nondual cosmic consciousness" across the Earth. By the end of this Universal Underworld, humanity will have crossed the threshold of the abyss, confronting the shadow projections of the Apocalypse, to become conscious cocreators of reality." Pg241
____

Calleman proposes that this period could see a global financial and ecological collapse, accompanied by nightmarish misuses of power on the part of the ruling elite. "In Night Five, ruled by Tezacatlipoca, the lord of darkness... we will see the last desperate and at the same time most forceful, attempt to secure control by the forces seeking to maintain dominance." Such an interregnum could also provide the opportunity to circulate a new vision of what this world could be, and disseminate the tools and principles to implement it. pg 243
____

Clearly, the shift to a higher form of consciousness could not happen passively. The transformation of consciousness requires not only personal work, but direct and surgically precise engagement with ecological, political, psychological, commercial, technological, and spiritual aspects of reality - as Nietzsche noted, the deed creates the doer. "as an afterthought." It is inconceivable that a movement to a state of higher consciousness could take place in a subconscious murk. Such a shift could take place in only one way: in the full light of consciousness. To accomplish this would require the complete engagement of our will and our higher cognitive faculties. We would have to decondition ourselves from negative programming, overcoming distractions and self-justifications and egocentric goals - to "abandon abandonment" and "escape escapism," as I was once told in a dream- in order to act for the greater good. At the moment, it is unclear how much sacrifice will be necessary. As futurist thinker Barbara Marx Hubbard writes in her book, Conscious Evolution:

If the positive innovations connect exponentially before the massive breakdowns reinforce one another, the system can repattern itself to a higher order of consciousness and freedom without the predicted economic, environmental, or social collapse.... If the system could go either way, a slight intervention to assist the convergence of the positive can tip the scales of evolution in favor of the enhancement of life on Earth.

If our current civilization were to disintegrate - a possibility that should not seem outlandish, considering the New Orleans flood, peak oil theories, and numerous ecological factors - we might face an apocalyptic passage, forcing us to evolve at high speed. Breakdown and breakthrough may happen simultaneously." Pg 244
____

Arguelles: "Right now, we use an arbitrary system of twelve months of unequal days, cut off from natural cycles, and this conditions us to accept disorder and irrationality in all of our institutions, The Gregorian is programmed for chaos and Apocalypse. This calendar would replace it with an instrument designed for perpetual order and harmony."
...
The Calendar is the macro organizing principle of a culture, even if people don't realize it... pg 222 - 223
____

If the shadows appear to growing darker, it is because the light that casts them is getting brighter. pg 243
____

It is the self within ourselves that we have to sacrifice. It is our own heart that has to be torn out of the false being and offered to the light. - Pyramid of Fire: The Lost Aztec Codex

(All content cited here from the source material: 2012: The Return of Quetzacoatl, by Daniel Pinchbeck)

Hostelito Inn, Guadalajara, Mexico

2010-02-08T14:23:00.006-05:00

Hostels in Guadalajara, Hostel in Guadalajara, Hostels in Guadalajara!! That's for the webcrawlers to find this entry, because if you're looking for a chill, loving and beautiful vibe while in Guadalajara, this is your place.

Been here for about five days now, the next two are free, and the energy in this place is wonderful. Francisco (owner) is passing out free tattoos building his portfolio, David is painting upstairs, and we're all finding direction on where to go next from each other.. but Frank is the Encyclopedia Mexico!

Tomorrow night David Joel (LINK) is having an exhibition here and I'm planning my eventual return to help with some building projects in a few years time in exchange or a room. This is just a forward thinking, relaxed place, with 0% stress... it's a beautiful refuge in a city that I find to be sensory overload.

Hostelito Inn
Avenida Alcade 409
Guadalajara, Mexico
44100
01.33.15.92.38.29

paz,d

The Key To Flow... Is To Let Go...

2010-02-06T21:45:00.007-05:00

Saturday, February 6, 2010
Guadalajara, Mexico

Everything we have achieved in this life, everything we've acquired, all the things we've lusted after and obtained... eventually... we have to give it all back.

The morning after my last blog was clear... I had connected to my friend Julia who was hanging out at a hostel just north of me in downtown Guadalajara. I had just shot an interview with Santiago here so I thought it may be a good idea to visit Julia and capture some images of the city.

Julia's is also an interesting story, worth checking out at her blog. She's here touring Mexico, her man arrives in a month from England, and together they will tour, busk, and lose themselves to the wonder of Mexico and Central America... I'm sure our paths will continually cross throughout.

SlippingRoundTheCornerOfaCircle.
[After six years in London and twenty five years alive - enough to know that a Physics degree and grey-uniformed office were not at all appropriate - Julia exchanged the corporate world for a backpack, a notepad and a blue & orange hula hoop. "The plan to have no plan..."]

The city thickens up around me as I enter. The beautiful randomness of Mexico begins to take on the form of the Grid. People selling streetside, people to and from work, people sitting in the square, people, people and more people. What strikes me most about Mexico is the reality that people spend their lives out in the world. In the U.S. and Canada, for the most part, outside is a place that people pass through on their way home or to work. We do spend leisure time outdoors but we don't really LIVE outdoors. In Mexico so much happens out in the world. This is partly due to the climate, and smaller living spaces, but also just a matter of culture. Right now it's 10pm and people are dancing in the square down the street to a live band under the serene gaze of a monk statue.

It's so alive here, unlike in so much of North America where our dreams of McMansions sold us short on so much of the vibrancy of life. We have isolated ourselves to such a great degree that I wonder what will happen when we are forced to fall together once more.

So much of the traditional knowledge lays intact in the ways in which we live. In being together and being outside, we are forced to engage with REALITY. Real reality not the manufactured reality that we've built around ourselves to keep us safe and in control.

And that brings me back to the beginning... Everything we have achieved in this life, everything we've acquired, all the things we've lusted after and obtained... eventually... we have to give it all back.

I arrived at the hostel and fell into imbalance, then regaining my composure I decided to again let go of the fear and anxiety that tries to keep all of us down. The fear and anxiety that usually results from the fact that we've subscribed to and attached ourselves to a story rather than living purely in the moment. And in that moment, we are free, only free because there are no more expectations of what 'should be', and also free in the imminent realization that everything, including that particular moment, is fleeting.

One day we're all going to pass away, and nothing we've built up around us is going on that next incandescent leg of the journey. No house, no car, no fancy clothes, no husbands, no wives, no kids, no friends, none of it... only the light that shines inside us.

In may case my load just got a little bit lighter.. and it's kinda strange... how things happen. I've been in Guadalajara for three days now... ok I have to go back... I locked myself out of my van in last weeks rainstorm. I found my spare key stash, opened up and all was fine. I told myself to return the spares to their hiding place, but then forgot. I now have been in Guadalajara for three days, I've been parking at night in a garage for forty pesos and during the day parking streetside.

I agonized about where I was going and what I was to do, and the words of Stuart Wild came to me, "If you don't know, don't go." so I stayed put. All of a sudden this morning over coffee with Frank the Hostel Owner, my entire road opened up in a clear and beautiful route/vision. Charged with direction I bounced around the hostel ready to leave, but still not quite ready... ok Stuey I'll try your method and just sit.

I have to go back again... About a year ago in Utah I found my next tattoo. I then followed it down through Mesa Verde, Chaco Canyon, Playa Las Labradas. The cosmic spiral. The flow of the universe pictured in ancient rock art around the world. There was only one problem, I don't have money for tattoos.

So here I am sitting, and Frank emerges with tattoo tools in hand, smiling. He's been doing tattoos for four months, and from what I've seen, he's pretty good. So I ask him about my idea, and sure enough he's game to drop some ink into my flesh. I am open to helping him build his portfolio and a free tat sounds wonderful.

Tattoo is ritual and I go through this rite as though it were a flesh offering for the next leg of my journey. As I lay there, a burning fire piercing the back of my leg, I stare... I stare not looking at anything, lost in thoughts, thinking about the spiral and its significance. The flow of all life, the double helix of DNA, the coiled snake, the journey inward or outward, forces of nature... all spiraling together, unstoppable, constant, and ever-present in creation, destruction, and impermanence.

Slowly I realize that my unfocused gaze is landing on the water flowing within the Hostel's interior water fountain, surrounding the fountain unnoticed till this point, is of course, tiles covered in spirals.

Water... what I love about water, is that it ALWAYS follows the path of least resistance.

Many of us have convinced ourselves that life is arduous, and unless we fight and struggle, we will find ourselves lost. I feel that it's the struggle that begets struggle. If we can let go and submit to the flow of the natural spiral, we become like water, and move in rhythm and harmony with what IS...
_____
After the tattoo, I grabbed my film gear and went to shoot/walk with Moses. I just wandered and ended up capturing some of the most beautiful images I could imagine. I can't even describe them.. ok I can try.. an old native woman in the square below the dome, selling giant bubble makers for kids, the light bouncing off the bubbles as she creates them, the dome lite up in the sun behind her... well I tried.. one day you'll see it.

I arrive back at my van, and it's been broken into in broad daylight. My Keltie backpack is gone... as well as a pair of jeans, some underwear, my toiletries, two Spanish books, my favorite North Face jacket... gone... Ughh... I rack my brain to think what else... thank god no wallet, no passport, no keys... KEYS... OMG! the spare keys to my van...

So now there are thieves somewhere in Guadalajara with the keys to not only get in my van.. but also start my van and... take my van... my life source. Well that's not going to happen... but, Oops!

I drive my van to a secure parking garage where it will be safe until I have a clear plan on the key situation. I then return to the hostel to eat some dinner and marvel at the sometimes agonizing beauty of the flow.

I was just forced to let go a little bit more, and rather than getting really upset, I'm actually grateful for the lesson not being too severe... I think it's important to give thanks in times like these. And nothing is ever really ours anyways, so what's the point in getting really upset about it?

paz, amor, y luz,
d

Spiritual Death, Perfection, & Human Doorways

2010-02-03T15:44:00.007-05:00

Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Location: Just South of Guadalajara

Happy Birthday Ma! Thanks for 34 years of being there as a wonderful mother, teacher & friend :-)

About a week and a half ago I was getting ready to leave PV on this next leg of my journey. The apartment I had been living in had just been painted, and to avoid the fumes I made a bed in the doorway to the back patio. There I slept half inside and half outside but in neither nor. That night I had a dream about bats, the next morning I read into the symbolism of bat and found that bats often represent or foreshadow spiritual death.

It's funny because at the time I felt as though I was dying, and since then a big part of me has been falling away in spiritual death. I feel I'm still in the midst of this death process.. I'm between worlds as it were. The old me through a process of letting go is making room for the new me.

It's only when we begin to let go that we find ourselves in that old familiar space I like to call now/here. In this space I think we have two clear options...

1) PANIC!!! Grab back onto the closest thing you can find that makes you feel safe and work your way back into fear and control.

OR

2) Remain Calm... breath.. and provide some space for reflection to see what emerges. In providing a space of emptiness we allow new forms and opportunities to arise and then present themselves to us. It's not always easy especially when you find after one day of remaining calm, nothing quantifiable has happened. That's when I personally usually start to favor option 1). But if we can simply NOT REACT and just accept what is we allow things to naturally return to the rhythm, pace, and place that they belong. In remaining calm we are actually creating a space in which our perceived chaos is able to return back to perceived order. In reality there is neither chaos or order as everything is exactly where it needs to be.

So if we find ourselves unhappy with our reality, first we need to recognize that it's likely the perfect thing for us right now. Since if it weren't the perfect medicine, we likely wouldn't have created it in the first place though all those choices we made along the way. Like the gurus say, the outer world is simply a reflection of the inner world giving us everything we need to become conscious and able to 'see' ourselves. Then once we recognize the lessons we can begin to shift gears into the next stage of our personal evolutions and make new choices that create peace, harmony, balance, & happiness.

Where was I going with this? In my space of spiritual death things have begun to emerge, first was a friend, then there was a surfboard, then there was an ocean, a good book, silence, and a joker named Bear... in the silence these all emerged and gave me the following: companionship in my solitude, balance, cleansing, teachings, meditation, and a renewed realization of the fact that we have to remember through it all.. not to take ourselves so Fucking Seriously!!! And Laugh at ourselves even when we don't think it's so funny...Haha!!!

With some balanced regained and laughter returning, I set off to meet a man I've been looking forward to meeting for a while. I arrived at Santiago's home in the early afternoon, whereupon I began to resonate with him, his wife Tisa, and son Daniel. We talked all afternoon over a beer, a meal, and then on and off camera... we shared so much in such a short time.. through a somewhat difficult language barrier. It's really incredible what can be accomplished when we step outside of fear and boldly forward. Here I was with no sense of where I was going, or where I would sleep.. having in depth conversations with people I've never met, ignoring language and speaking from the heart... It's amazing! Haha!! Really.. gotta laugh.. it's amazing!!!

Daniel upon meeting me and finding out that I shoot 8mm among other formats, left the room to return with a camera in hand.. "This is for you!" he said, having only known me for ten minutes.. a beautiful 8mm camera in perfect working order.. Amazing!!

Around only 8pm I found I could no longer process the Spanish being spoken and felt Moses needing a walk out in the van.. so I bade them all goodnight and took Moses for an hour walk. Santiago informed me that it was alright to sleep in the van in front of his home.. so we crawled into bed at 9pm full of paz, amor, y luz (peace, love & light).

It's been raining non-stop for three days.. non-stop.. and the roof in my van has a few small leaks. So there I was laying in bed, literally vibrating with the event's of the afternoon and evening with water leaking into my personal space. I couldn't help but think how water is a symbol of the sub-conscious and consciousness. Here I was in the middle of what I consider to be a process of spiritual rebirth and I can't stop the subconscious flow from entering into my life. There space has been created, by me, and the energy is coming as though it were a tidal wave... leaking into the cracks and filling the void.

In meeting with Santiago other doors have inevitably opened up, and my commitment it to walk through them to see what's on the other side.

Last week in Sayulita I met another man with sparking eyes and a smile so wide you'd swear he was a Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland. This man was another doorway. Taking one look at me, for some reason he decided to share his knowledge of the Huichol Indians and his connections leading to a certain mountain Marakama (medicine man).

Tomorrow, hopefully it will stop raining, and I will go begin to explore these doorways that have opened up to me. It's amazing to me how we are all doorways to each other, into different worlds and different ways of seeing.

I'm grateful for the right people at the right time, past, present and future.

peace,d

Cleansing the Ego

2010-02-01T19:16:00.003-05:00

Went out today for the final time to surf.. or in my case get eaten by the ocean. Lessons in humility, loss of ego, rhythm, ebb and flow... but not so much surfing ;-)

I feel cleansed by it all, by the ocean and it's power.

I came back in, sat and meditated for a while, and have a deep desire to do more of the same tonight.

Tomorrow I go to Guadalajara to meet a man, and I look forward to this next step of the journey.

paz, amor y luz,
d

Universal Noise Control

2010-01-31T14:15:00.002-05:00

My van got broken into a couple weeks back.. they kindly broke the small window... and stole my stereo and a bag of pens. The stereo was a 40$ deal I bought at a junkyard, and now it looks like there's even less to steal.

The message to me... time for some silence and contemplation. The universe is so kind ;-)

peace,d

Yelapa to Sayulita

2010-01-30T10:42:00.003-05:00

Friday, January 29, 2010

So where have I been. Well after Liz left back to Colorado I headed back out to Yelapa where I stayed for a few days meditating and thinking about my film. I met some great people there who gave me some perspective and took me on a great little trip up river to the waterfall. I brought my camera’s along to shoot some footage but mostly I just sat uninspired. On the second to last day I took a hike back into the jungle and captured some nice footage of old guys carting firewood on donkeys.

There are so many images down here. So much to capture and share, but I’m proceeding slowly and with caution, feeling things out, being careful not to offend.

I found myself stuck in Yelapa by a rough ocean that prevented me from taking a panga back to Puerto Vallarta. I made it out the next day and packed up my stuff and left the city behind heading north to Sayulita. That’s where I am now, chilling in a campsite waiting for a meeting in Guadalajara on Tuesday.

What strikes me most about Sayulita and Puerto Vallarta is how Americanized they are. They are pieces of American influence in Mexico. On many levels it’s a real shame, since they were probably much more beautiful once. However, like always, there’s no black and white and with America have also come jobs, money, and 10$ cheeseburgers. The Americans (and Canadians) just keep on coming, it reminds me of a guy I met way back in Costa Rica who, as we watched a bus of tourists unload, exclaimed Carne Fresca (fresh meat). And if it weren’t for cool little surfer hangouts like this, most of them would probably never come in the first place… whether that would be a good thing or a bad thing, I’m in no place to judge.

peace,
d

pics: yelapa

Hermitage

2010-01-30T10:40:00.002-05:00

I feel like I’ve returned to an old hermitage up on a mountain that I left a while back. If it were to be a real place I’d say it’s a small humble quiet shack built with a frame of sturdy beams and a solid rock foundation. But now as I return, I see that while I’ve been out on pilgrimage gathering new tools and firewood, some things have fallen into disrepair, there’s a few nails to hammer back into place, and although the interior beams are still solid, the rest of the structure needs some tender love and care. And there’s only one person who is able to do the work… me.

When I was younger I had a really great teacher who used to tell me that whenever we dream of buildings they represent the self. So that’s where I’m going with this. I have returned to my hermitage on the mountaintop only to realize that there’s a bigger mountain next-door and before I can head out on that next quest this hermitage needs just a little more work.

The Silence of Inner Growth

2010-01-30T10:35:00.002-05:00

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Not a word… Not this time around. They say silence is golden, so let there be silence… not only around us but also emanating from deep inside our being, outwards into the world.

I was watching today, laying in a hammock, watching people chatter on the beach, me being disconnected, removed, and alone. I’ve been working to reconnect to my own personal silence, away from it all, back outside the circle for the first time in a long time.

Quite a few people have remarked that the past month has already seemed like an entire year. It almost seems as though we’re cramming more and more into each day as things continue to speed up all around us. It’s not that the world is speeding up in terms of economy, job stress, or errands to run… to me it seems like there’s a sense of urgency in the world that is beginning to grab hold.

Studies have been done of why people aren’t reacting to the threat of Global Warming, and it’s been found that human evolution has hinged on our fight or flight instincts. We’ve evolved to react to immediate threats but not to those further down the line. This is the reason why, although the world as we know it may be slowly ending, we all continue with business as usual.

But I feel something. It seems there’s a sense of urgency that IS actually beginning to get through to some people. It seems there is a increasing sense that every action DOES count and EVERY thought or intention may hold the potential for dramatic affects down the line. It’s time for us all to get REAL and do it NOW since how we behave towards one another and most importantly how we treat ourselves likely holds the key to the future.

So how do we get real? I’m reading a book that talks about how everything is exactly where it needs to be. Every action, reaction, pattern, or belief is all an expression of divine perfection. So given this realization, one would think that we don’t have to do anything… AND THAT’S EXACTLY RIGHT!!! But the problem is, we’re all so busy getting in our own way, not to mention the way of everyone around us. Everything IS perfect but our patterns and behaviors (mostly in the form of desire and attachment) can tend to interfere with that perfection. So what do we do?

Let go.

It’s really the only answer. We need to let go of all of our programming and experiential knowledge that’s taught us how the world really is. Because frankly the world IS NOT what we usually tend to think it is. It’s actually so much more. It’s a living breathing flowing magical singularity that doesn’t need us to fix it, set it straight or meddle in any way. What it really needs us to do is have faith, and let go. Not just pretend to let go, but actually let go and fall into the perfection of the flow.

Let go and fall into the perfection of the flow. I like that… I should put it on a t-shirt.

So on this end, things have been difficult, since I'm re-examining the road I've been on, but rather than resist that difficulty I’m making peace with it and accepting it. Letting go of how my ego thought things were supposed to be. Letting go of the program I myself wrote, invested in, and then became attached to.

“Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans.” –John Lennon

So in the wake of all this letting go I’ve been struggling a little. The ego keeps resurfacing and grabbing at me. But I think I’ve found a solution. Since my mind and my emotions have been a bit out of whack, I’m working on creating a space of true silence and getting back in the body. The body is easy, since as you push, it grows and becomes stronger. I rented a surfboard and have been sitting in waves trying to regain my balance. And when I haven’t been sitting I’ve been paddling working out my shoulders and strengthening my core. People invite me to have a drink and hang out… but I just read, meditate, and surf. It’s what I need right now before I get back on the road to Guadalajara to my next interview… I’d like to be balance when I meet this man.

The reading is also important for me, since I don’t have all the answers, and never have. At a young age I guess I was lucky to have self-help books all around me… the right book can make all the difference in how we see and approach the world. And why not, why should we as individuals have to recreate epiphanies that are often hard come by… why should we have to lose everything to gain perspective, when others have already gone through those cycles and grown and then written about it. The book I’m reading now, The Dragon Doesn’t Live Here Anymore is the perfect example of the right book at the right time. Sometimes they come to you by way of other people and sometimes it pays to just get over our egos and go spend some time in the self-help section of bookstores until they jump out at us… or call our name as books often do.

But there’s still always the other option, to trudge along and figure everything out for ourselves… but as far as I’m concerned, why waste a perfectly good lifetime struggling when the answers to many of our questions lay in waiting. They wait in meditation, they wait in friends, and they wait in a few good books.

I guess to sum up, what I’m trying to say is, now is the time to get real, let go, take responsibility and take care of ourselves in the best way we know how, because when the time comes, it’ll serve us well to be ready. It’s not up to US... it’s up to every single one of us… it’s up to me... and it’s up to you.

peace,d